Season’s Greetings to you dear reader! I truly hope the holidays are a happy time for you. Yet, I am aware that this is not the case for everyone, and today I decided to share why this is not necessarily the case for me. I never thought of myself as someone who dislikes the holidays. Even now, I can’t say *dislike* is the word for it… I love the break from work which gives me time to rest and plan and do…other work lol! Still, when a friend replied to my Christmas card on the 24th and began a conversation it led me to do some overdue reflecting. See, this friend asked me what I was doing for Christmas and I replied saying: “nothing much, just going to try and avoid binge eating, crying, and hope for productivity”. I’m Christian so for Christmas I do believe in praying and praising in ode to the birth of Christ… but not any more than I do on any given day I pray and praise. Not only because of the debates on if this specific date is his accurate birthday but just because I rarely feel extraordinarily praise-y on the day. So, what is the problem? Why am I not merry? The easy answer would be depression. But nah, that’s not quite it. Many people detest the holidays – for what it has become due to capitalism, or because they are lonely, or because it reminds them of someone they lost (like a dear friend of mine who died in 2018 on Christmas Eve)… There are many reasons, and it is so accepted that the holidays can be a triggering period that I had never really thought about it why this period is not simply joyful for me any longer and what exactly about it may trigger depression. This is the first time someone asked me so pointedly that I was forced to find the words for it. And in finding the words, I discovered something about myself. It seems some years ago (I don’t know when exactly but I think it was 2016, perhaps earlier) holidays began losing their luster for me because I was no longer content with being a makeshift family member. Holidays are for family and home. I have family, lots of family, especially friends who have become family. I am not short of loved ones to spend the holidays with; at least 3 of my loved ones near me made it clear that I was to join their families to celebrate the day (and I eventually did spend a bit of time with each of them and their families on Christmas Day). But as I have come to do in recent years, I made sure I spent as little time as possible at each home. Playing either the role of helping in the kitchen, visiting aunty, or just plain guest. Because it’s still not the same. Because my family has their own family. So ‘going home’ often means going to a place where you’re reminded that you’re not exactly family. Or that your family is not like this family. Or that what you call family, is a collage of a variety of individuals belonging to other families. I wasn’t always aware of this, not in such clear terms at least. This realization is coming this year following the conversation on the 24th. It was fine at first, or rather, it was unnoticeable. I did not notice that with every holiday spent with another family, I was trying to create something. Either creating some family holiday tradition with those who had adopted me as theirs, or create my place in another family… In one house I tried to create the tradition of having Christmas gifts put under a Christmas tree to be opened on the day. I was an undergrad student and broke so I wonder how I did it, but I managed to get everyone in the family I was with at the time gifts. But, when the day came all the gifts under the tree were the ones I put there lol! They received in gratitude, but it wasn’t something they would think of, so not something that continued. In later years, I tried to join the traditions of the other families. And I loved it, for a while. One of my families has a beautiful tradition of gift exchange (Secret Santa) which is elaborately planned for a month before… it is so entertaining how well we hide whose name we picked and the coy ways we go about trying to find the gift they would like… I recall praying in 2016 that I would want to emulate that tradition in my own home in the future… That should have been a warning. I didn’t consider myself at home. But still, I have spent Christmas Eve with that family and enjoyed that tradition for over 5 years. And another of my families has the tradition of going to the beach on New Year’s day with colleagues… I have loved that tradition too. Let me tell you, everyone should ring in the New Year by having the waves wash over you as if carrying the dirt of the previous year away. It is unspeakably refreshing. Still, I did not recognize that these traditions were family heirlooms I was trying to inherit, nor that my participation was an attempt to make family memories for myself. So when I no longer wanted to spend holidays with others I also could not recognize that it was because a part of me had realized that I could not create what I needed in that way. Spending holidays in this way meant felt akin to living as someone else for a short while. Spending the day enjoying my nieces and cousins and sharing food and joy, but then going home to my space. And my own home sometimes feels lonelier when returning to it after that, with memories of the baby you carried, or thoughts
Resolution Recommendations for Fellow Christians…
In January of 2018, I committed to sharing my faith through blogging as well. This meant increasing my blogging frequency. All through the year, I made two posts every month; one as usual of my musings which are generally social commentary, and another post chronicling my Christian journey under my ‘About my Faith’ page. I just want to say thank you to those who have been reading and encouraging me. I pray the year 2019 ahead is a better one for us all. As we start yet another year, I have been considering what message I’d like to pass with the last/first post. This end of year period is known for being the period of pledges, resolutions, and decrees of ‘good riddance to all things bad’. So, I think in the spirit of the season, I could raise some resolutions I’m hoping other Christians would take on. Don’t worry, I won’t make a long list self-righteous of things for other people to do in the new year, we all know the longer the list of resolutions the less likely we are to achieve them. I just have three points going forward. 1- Please Be a More Conscious Christian A.K.A WOKE A week ago we celebrated 25th of December as the birthdate of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Except that date is not likely his date of birth. It’s a known fact that Christ was likely not born in December and that the date we are actually celebrating has origins in certain pagan feast which the early crusaders tried to white-wash with faith. I say all this not to deride us as Christians for celebrating Christmas, but rather to illustrate that KNOWING this did not stop me from celebrating Christ’s birth. Because of the knowledge, I do not celebrate the day but the event. which is not being heralded on that day. Yet it was necessary that I know the truth. It is necessary that we all know the origins of what we celebrate, the history of our religious days and norms. That we- especially African Christians, acknowledge that those who brought us God’s word likewise played a role in our subjugation. It is necessary to know this, to acknowledge it to have your faith questioned, tested and proven as a conscious choice rather than a passive inheritance of history, place of birth and socialization. Ours is a faith that calls us to be in a relationship with the one described as the ‘Way, the Truth and the Light’ how then can you ignore the truths of our religious history, religious institutions, and our society today? To be willingly ignorant is to have a fake relationship with the Truth. So resolve to ‘be woke’, research the answers to the hard questions, call out the church’s failure to address social issues which matter, delve into philosophy and hear arguments from those of other faiths – or no faith at all. Trust God enough to know He, being God, can handle your questioning. 2- Resolve to Read More than Just that Verse! Brethren, I beseech you, stop this cherry-picking of bible scripture. Let it end. Do you not see the hypocrisy of using a single verse from Deuteronomy or Leviticus to justify condemning some people all the while overlooking other scripture in the same chapter which ask us to not eat shrimp (crayfish)? Also, can we stop claiming the promise of blessings in a single verse at the end of the book when we failed to read the chapter full of pain and sacrifice which led to that promise? Just the other day I noticed how I was guilty of this; I have been capitalizing on the promise of Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus”. However, this verse was a prayer for the Philippians who had been helping Paul generously. It was directed at specific people in response to something and before I can claim it, I would need to have been just as generous or be generous by trusting in that scriptural promise. This is the case with many of the verses we often claim, they are often tiny excerpts of a bigger story. So resolve to read more than a single verse, to claim the promise with awareness of context and ensure you read all of Abraham’s trials before claiming Abrahamic blessings. 3- Resolve to Know What and Why You Believe I had dragged my feet about sharing my faith for a long time, but after deciding to share my conversion story in later 2018 and having to outline just why I believe and what, I now think it’s something all adult Christians should be required to do. Too many of us are Christians by indoctrination; believing because we’ve been told, not because we’ve experienced or found out for ourselves. Too many of us can’t delineate where our socialization ends and our faith starts. For this reason, we find it difficult to defend our belief (our belief- not God- God doesn’t need lawyers) without insulting a non-believer, condemning them or worse. I pray that if you’re a Christian reading this, you get to the point in your journey where you can declare your faith confidently, knowing for certain what you believe in and why. May God grow and guide you for the better in 2019.