Dear Sisters, How are you? How is Women’s Month treating you? Permit me tell you a story. One of my clearest memories from my undergraduate studies was of an assignment that required us to write on cultural practices which were abusive or violent towards women. We were encouraged to speak to older women, like our grandmothers, who would be more aware of our specific cultural traditions. As my grandma is no longer with us, my source would be the mothers of some family friends. One from a Southwest tribe and another from a Northwest tribe. I asked the former to tell me about the practice of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), and with the latter I discussed the practice of breast ironing. It is worthy to note that both these women looked down on my studying Gender Studies. While they enjoyed empowerment particularly a woman’s right to work and earn her own money, they like many others, didn’t like the word feminist and disliked any studies which promoted it. But they were willing to answer my questions. And thus while in the course of discussions with them, I brought up what I already knew. The practice of FGM was undoubtedly painful and while it claimed to ensure a woman’s ‘purity’ what it really aimed at was ‘curbing promiscuity’ by making intercourse an ordeal for the woman and in sewing up the sexual orifices (making them tighter) ensuring more pleasure for the man. The grandmother I spoke to did not deny this. She said she felt the practice was archaic and very dangerous with the poor sanitary conditions and prevalence of HIV- yet she could not really agree with what I said. She asked me “Are you saying it is a man that got up and decided that women should be cut like that? Are you sure? Why is it that it is women doing the cutting if the only beneficiaries are men?” Similarly when discussing with Grandma Number 2, I recounted my knowledge thus far on breast ironing. The practice was one where young girls had their budding breasts crushed with pestles or grinding stones (sometimes heated) to discourage the growth spurt. The reason was simple, the longer their breasts remain small, the longer they remained protected from the lustful gaze of men. This abuse was supposedly an act of protection from male predators. Rather than attacking the men with pestles (pounding predators and child molesters with pestles between the legs would be good) the would-be victims were attacked. Here again this grandmother said to me “you’re right, but I have always wondered why don’t the mothers think what they are doing is wrong. Why are they pounding on their children rather than the would-be predators?” At that time I couldn’t answer, but several years later I can. The answer is simply internalized sexism. The worst, and as I have recently witnessed, the most common type of sexism in Cameroon is internalized sexism. Let me offer you a simple definition: Internalized sexism or misogyny is the involuntary belief and acting on beliefs of sexist stereotypes about women by other women. It is simply women being sexist to one another because they have been socialized to believe that certain things are wrong for certain genders or socialized to believe other women are a threat etc. You see the women who advocate for FGM are assured, they believe that the practice would ensure their daughters would remain ‘pure’. They believe that women (always the other woman though) are promiscuous and to ensure that you won’t be you need to be circumcised. They believe it so they readily act on it. Fast forward to recent times. Cameroon social media spaces have been abuzz with the Nathalie Koah and Eto’o Fils scandal. In all of that, the majority of both men and women of course dragged Ms. Koah through the mud. She has been called a slut a gold digger, a home wrecker etc. Women often dragged her more than men did. Another case of Internalize misogyny. You see we’ve been socialized to see a woman’s philandering as more offensive than a man’s. Forget the fact that they man was in a relationship (or even married) and the woman was not. How dare she be so cheap? What was she planning? Did she think he would leave the good woman he had for someone as cheap as she? Women said these things. Often considering NK the other woman, the Jezebel they had been warned about. The one we have been socialized by countless Nollywood films to pray against, No one it seems bothers to pray against the philandering man. “Men are weak”, they say, like dried fish soaked in water. They break down easily. And so it goes with internalized sexism, you buy into a stereotype that women are supposed to be a certain way and when they are not you criticize them three times as much as you would the opposite sex that failed you. Internalize sexism is common, it is the voice of your mother or aunt which resonates from your teens warning you not to “tell your girlfriends everything”. It is the result of the constant competition girls are put up to-“Don’t you wish you had Jennifer’s shape, Annick’s butt, or could dance like Sandra? See as Rachel married quickly, it’s because she can cook….” Internalized sexism is almost intrinsic to us, unless you’re really aware of yourself you won’t catch it. You would feel threatened by your maid and permit her cook a meal for everyone at home but for your husband- he must eat on your food. You would see another woman applying for a job in your office and sabotage her, they might end up liking her more than you. You would say I don’t like that woman because she smokes whereas the reason you don’t like her is because you’ve been raised to consider smoking unladylike and yet not be fazed by a man
Men’s Empowerment
I am known for my feminist stance. It seems certain Facebook friends tag me whenever they want me to defend womankind over something (considered indefensible) or the other. Recently however, after having a conversation with a man who refers to his viewpoint as “traditional” I realized though a lot of what I say seems to defend women, it ought to be pretty clear that I speak for the liberation of men too. The man I speak of feels strongly about certain things. A man is the head and should lead, he should be taller than his wife, a man must make the first move but of course the woman should give him the “green light”, a woman should not make more than her man, and if she does, if she is more educated, or otherwise achieved, she should hide it. Men need to be in control you see. This man is a relative. He boasts of my achievements when in public but will be quick to tell me, not to make the mistake of doing something like buying a plot of land (as though I could afford it lol!), living expensively etc. because I may scare of potential suitors. He means well, really, he does. Thinking on all of this, I’ve begun to pity guys almost as much as I sympathize with my fellow women. I mean, such stereotypical beliefs of men is akin to being racially profiled. How does one simply believe all men’s self-esteem is so low they would all need coddling? I realize while this is inconvenient to us women; this restriction on what we can do so as to cater to male egos. It must be equally restrictive to men. They are expected to be the head, the smarter one etc. and they are never really free to be them. With this culture they are easily threatened. How else would you explain men being uncomfortable with a woman who speaks her mind (even if they agree) or a woman who is comfortable talking about and expressing her sexuality? In a logical world, a woman who is smarter, driven, capable of buying her own property would be the most eligible. She would be the one everyone wants because obviously she will be contributing to the relationship, you could better each other. In a logical world, a woman who can say exactly what she feels for you, what she wants in bed, and what she doesn’t would be the one you go for, after all we’ve hearing complaints of women being “complicated so long you would think the straightforward ones would be appreciated. But in patriarchy there is absence of logic. And still the illogical do not recognize their being suppressed by their own beliefs. Some people think feminism is for women? Since those people need it clearly written on the walls: Here I stand, a feminist asking for men to be given a chance to be shorter, less smart, not always the one picking up the bill. A chance to be themselves. Lets help men be comfortable loving women who are strong rather than bask in the default power you get from being in a relationship with a weaker person. Call it men’s empowerment.
Musings On Women’s Day
Happy Women’s month! May we observe the month wisely. In my own little contribution towards the rightful honoring of this month I’m going to share my musings on the various questions and comments which arise regularly during this period. 1- Why celebrate women’s day? This is a popular question asked predominantly by men, who go on to add “Is there a men’s day?” To which some smart-mouthed women would counter “99 days for the thief 1 day for the owner”. As cute as the bi-play is, it is misleading. Women’s day is not to be “celebrated” so much as observed and commemorated. It is not a “fete” as the French say it is like other international days (Commonwealth Day, International Labor Day etc) a day to honor a certain activity, or group of persons usually under-looked. As such, throughout the month of March we commemorate women who despite making up over 50:5 of the world’s population, make up just 17% of parliamentarians (UNICEF, New York: 2006, p.56), own less than 12% of the land globally and constitute over 70% of the worlds minimum wage workers. In Cameroon in particular, women hold 20 of 100 Senate seats, 56 of the 180 seats in the National Assembly and only 09 of 66 cabinet posts. 2- Woman Eh! and Wrappa wahala is all about the International Day of the Woman… No. “Woman eh!” and “wrappa wahala” is limited to Cameroon. We have (with much misguidance from our ministry and leaders) reduced what was to be a month of recognition and concentration on furthering women in development to a day of march-pasts, fashion parades in a variety of styles made from annually distributed fabric and of course eating and drinking. In other countries (if we would care to emulate) during women’s month activities such as round table discussions, Take Your Daughter To Work Day, recognition of inspiring women in history and present among other things are carried out in commemoration of women. 3- Who makes up these themes? This is the funny part. There is a UN theme for each year for us to ponder on while honoring the International Day of the woman. I realized this year that there were actually three themes. That which is listed as the UN theme on their website (Equality for Women is Progress for All), that which is popular spread as the international theme (Inspiring Change), and that which our ministry here releases at last minute and we see printed on the fabric each year (Women as Active Participants in National Integration). In a world which is working towards being a global village, you would think we would all be able to agree on a single theme for a single day right? 4- Isn’t all this talk of Gender “much ado about nothing?” Over a century since the feminist movement took off people may now presume the movement and feminist mantra is redundant. However those people would be wrong. Like racism, sexism and the oppression of women was and has been so deeply rooted in our cultures, belief and thought systems that they cannot be simply eliminated. The feminist movement is responsible for women now being able to wear trousers, go to work, free themselves of abusive relationships, own land, marry whom they wish or choose not to marry at all. The feminist movement is responsible for the fact that a woman who is raped can seek justice; a girl can go to school, the drop in women and infant mortality, the representation of women in parliaments etc. There is still a long way to go. While a victim of rape can now seek justice, she is hardly guaranteed of finding it. Just last week a women was killed after being gang raped and it was considered “right” for she led the men to sin. While a a girl can got o school she will still face a sexism in recruitment when entering the job market. While women’s mortality rates have dropped, women still die more from gender violence than any other cause cancer and accidents included. While women are now represented in parliament theirs is mostly a quota representation with barely 18% worldwide. As such the feminist movement and the fight for gender equality is NOT “much ado about nothing”. 5- What about all the privileges women have that men don’t? Isn’t it now an issue of reverse sexism? Recent posts on a group page on Facebook states how women “have too many privileges yet complain”. It lists “the months women have for maternity leave, how men open doors for women, how men are trained to stand while women sit, how society demands that men provide for their women, how more and more women are bosses today and usually misuse their power oppressing men all the more, how women are the targets for more sponsorships, aids and scholarship just based on sex etc” as reasons for this claim that women are more privileged and that most sexism today is bias to favor women. This is false conclusions drawn by someone who looks on the surface and little else. The concept of male gallantry; opening of car doors, sitting by the side of the door in taxis to “protect the woman in the middle”, placing the woman behind you etc is all a mirror trick. While men claim to be gallant they restrict. The nature by which society expects the men to “gallantly” provide for the women is very similar to the western practice of giving 3rdworld countries financial aid but restricting their economic rights such that they can never truly be independent. I imagine that in Saudi Arabia women don’t split wood or dig trenches they are saved from that hard labor as it is “men’s work” yet women are also denied the right to drive and are thus restricted to the home. I’m sure that women in Yemen have been “privileged to have their husbands bring them treats and such from work on