Hello there!I hope the year is going good so far. This month I haven’t been musing about much other than the deadlines I need to meet! So I asked for suggestions from friends on what to blog about. Several suggested that I blog about my fitness journey. I have written a bit about how my decision to work on getting healthier has been wrongly perceived before (see HERE), so I was (and still am) reluctant to go into details. But, a recent realization of the toll self-improvement has on our mental health made me consider tackling the suggested topic from a different perspective. I felt the need to talk directly rather than write what needs to be said out. So I hope you enjoy this month’s vlog and do leave a comment. Let’s discuss this!
Ask Yourself: What am I supposed to Be Learning Now?
The past few weeks have been a struggle with regards to my faith. I’m not where I want to be, there’s no guarantee of me getting where I want to be. It’s something God either blesses me with or not. I can’t earn it. Can’t ‘deserve’ it. Can only pray and hope I’m granted this particular desire. And as this runs around in my mind, the fact that this thing I desire so much is not guaranteed no matter what I do, I feel desolate in waiting. In this state, I didn’t – still don’t- feel like writing an ‘About My Faith’ entry for this month but have to continue for the sake of commitment. So as I considered what I was going to write on I thought of a statement a friend had made when we discussed my not-so-patient wait for the desires I can’t ‘work’ for. She said “try to determine what God wants you to learn in this period. Don’t let your mind be clouded by your frustration over waiting. Learn in the wait.” Now, this is one of those lessons you know to be true facts BUT not something you want to hear at a time when you’re fine being pitiful and bemoaning your fate. Nevertheless, the statement had stayed with me and came to me as I considered the About My Faith post for this month. Particularly because it reminded me of a blog post I published on the Anglophone Crisis in Cameroon in February of 2017 entitled “What’s Happening in Cameroon? Learning I Hope”. Like Cameroon, in going through a crisis, I hope we are all learning. It is hoped that we take away something. It is my prayer that the struggle, the wait, and stress eventually make sense. For now, I’m engaging myself in asking what I have learned in the last year that I hadn’t known before. I ask myself, in what ways have I GROWN in this wait. I have found that it’s a way to cheer myself up; a way to feel better about the situation I can’t help and trust that God does indeed know what he’s doing. So join me this month as I make a list of lessons I am learning. Note, you must not have learned the lessons in all yet. It’s enough to recognize that it’s something you have been taught and are in the process of learning. Appreciate the little growth. May Grace continue to carry us on the journey.
How a Reading Challenge Led to a Lifestyle Change…
Somethings we know, but don’t know. You know? Like we all know we could do more if we spend the first hour of our day effectively. But we STILL roll-over and check our phone for notifications first thing in the morning. Knowledge doesn’t always render one better action. And as I’m known to say, knowing your problem is the first step, but still, it’s only one of many, many more. Yeah, not such a motivational statement so perhaps you shouldn’t quote me. Well, one of those lessons we all know is the point of this piece… We all know consistency and perseverance yields fruits. There’s not a single motivational speaker, preacher, teacher and parent who hasn’t hammered “just keep going” into their speech, book, sermon- you name it. And still, this knowledge floats like a lily-pod on the rivers of our thoughts. Just there, acknowledged but not really seen, nor wholeheartedly believed for the fact that it is. After all, is it is to ‘just keep going’ and find out if that works? Not so recently I took up a challenge that made me really LEARN this lesson and it led to several impressive lifestyle changes which have so far impacted my health, Christian journey and general outlook on life. In 2015 I was fortunate to be one of 25 young African women to be awarded a MILEAD fellowship. This marked my entry into an international sisterhood I appreciate more and more each year. Your network is indeed your net worth people. Well, late in 2017, an opportunity was shared for members of this network. It was a 25 week reading challenge called the KK Reading Prize. Those interested in joining were called upon to register; we would need to read a suitable book a week for 25 weeks, write short book reports stating the gist, how it impacted us personally and professionally, what we liked and disliked and a quote which stood out. For our efforts, we stood a chance to win 1000USD. I swear I read that email twice and responded with interest faster than I’ve replied to messages from a crush. If you know me, you know I like reading. Love books! Advocate for reading and consider gifts of books as equal to gifts of money. So, an opportunity to get paid for reading obviously sounded like God saying, here you go, have a gift. Well, not quite. The contest was to officially begin with our submitting our first book reports on Monday the 3rd of October 2017. Unfortunately, I found myself facing the unexpected problem of internet shutdown as the Anglophone crisis peaked on the 1st of October 2017 with declarations of ‘independence’. I sent SMS to other MILEAD fellows and explained my situation. I eventually sent in that first submission as soon as I could travel to Douala in the neighboring region (Internet Cameroon). That internet ban was shorter, we received access within a week. I should have been on track after that, submitting my reports regularly. Life soon proved that it wasn’t that simple. I found that even with something you love doing, you need to program it in. I found that few good things happen by chance and I learned a lot about myself over the 25 weeks of the reading challenge. First off, as per the contest rules, we were to read ’empowering books for professional and personal development’. This forced me out of my ‘comfort zone’ of pop and literary fiction. I struggled slightly but eventually found adequate books. Still, reading them and writing on them took a lot more effort than I had envisaged. I came to the realization that though I could read pop-fiction on the road, or anywhere for that matter, this wasn’t the case for heavier literature. Reading for me has always been about escape. I needed books and used them to get away from reality. With the literature prescribed by the contest, however, this was not possible. I had to confront myself through the literature. Confront myself and see that I was my own stumbling block, my own greatest problem. While reading the likes of I am Malala and The Diary of Anne Frank was inspiring it also made me feel like a failure and shamed me for what were current complaints. So during the challenge I always found myself reading two books, I would have my favorite Nora Roberts’ or Lauri Kubuitsile book on my bedside cupboard and the ‘required’ suitable book for the challenge would sit on my work-table. Because that was ‘work’. I struggled to finish the self-help and suitable books most weeks- even though I’d read Harry Potter (book seven) in less than 10 hours. The experience showed me how dire my escapist tendency was. This wasn’t about just a contest any longer, was I escaping, what else was it affecting aside from a challenge? Upon reflection? A great deal. I noticed how I escape reading certain books in the Bible altogether, How meditating for long is difficult for me. It forces me to think on issues I’d rather avoid so a brief prayer and song should do. I noticed how in escaping the pain my diary entries were sporadic, I would have to write later, struggling to find words to express feelings which we now stale for being shut away till I forced myself to open the box I’d locked them in. That is the greatest difficulties I face in writing. Over those weeks I faced another challenge, time management. Like most people, I’m a horrible procrastinator. Still, I’ve been praised for my discipline and goal-mindedness so often I believed the voices of others rather than taking an honest look at myself. I mean, yes as compared to several friends, I have more discipline. But then compared with others I know, I’m undisciplined and do bare-minimum at last-minute. Like Cameroon choosing to belong to CEMAC rather than ECOWAS, I had been placing myself in the group where I looked better off. When those easily impressed people said remarked on my ‘great discipline’ I should have