Recently, the internet was buzzing with news, opinions, and jokes on African-American rapper T.I’s declaration that he regularly takes his daughter for a virginity test. As I followed the conversation, I noted that a lot of those who claimed they “could not get why the father was receiving backlash” supported T.I using Christianity and moral dictates. I found that interesting and weigh in with this month’s #AboutMyFaith installment in yet another video. Here you go: The Christian faith is notoriously silent on issues of sex and sexuality. As if not speaking about it makes it go away. In fact, the church often follows Ostrich-like methods in dealing with a lot of sticky issues; from abuse to racism. For this reason, I’m glad some Christians are using alternative platforms to speaking up about what is not discussed in church frankly. I recently enjoyed a discussion by Melissa and Kevin Fredericks via their Love Hour podcast on a similar sticky topic (pun intended). Do check them out and as always, please let me know your thoughts!
Nude Pics, Sex Tapes and the Things We’re Not Saying
Nude pics? Sex tapes? Revenge porn is trending in Cameroonian social media spaces. For us, it’s a fairly new phenomenon. In a country where sex talk is still something to be done in the dark or behind closed doors, the ease with which sexually explicit content is being shared among young and old alike is breaking carefully built pretenses of our morality vis a vis western society. More than once, I have read comments like “these young people are following white people in doing such things, this is not Cameroonian”. As is often the case, whatever is deemed immoral is not traditionally ours, but exported. Ironical given how most of the morals we adhere to are elements of foreign culture and religion literally forced on us during colonialism. But never mind that, I am in no way attempting to normalize the trend of nude pics, sex tapes, and revenge porn. It is ‘abnormal’, it is unprecedented in our context and it is definitely not OK. However as conversations around this problematic trend go, I believe we’re failing to discuss what really needs to be discussed. Our society is a patriarchal and conveniently conservative one, most of us are addressing this is an issue with already sexist perspectives. That in itself is a problem as you cannot solve a sexual and sexist problem with more sexism. Let me explain: sexism in everyday words refers to discrimination against and/or biased treatment of men or women based on cultural stereotypes of their sex. The ‘leaking of nude pics, sex tapes often done with the intention of embarrassing/ or harassing women (in other words, revenge porn) involved is an act of sexism because as per cultural stereotypes, women are supposed to be “docile, modest and virtuous” and being ‘exposed’ in such sexually explicit content paints such a female as a ‘Jezebel’ and not a ‘good woman’. Now perhaps you can understand why using statements such as “girls should know their body is the temple of God and not take nudes but respect their bodies” to address this act of sexism is not helpful. In criticizing and cautioning only the females, you confirm and encourage the sexist stereotypes on which the act of revenge porn hinges. Last weekend, I was asked to speak on behalf of our department at an event themed: “Empowering Girls to Say No to Nudes” as I expected (and dreaded) the majority of speakers addressed the issue from sexist perspectives, we are socialized this way and I truly can’t blame them much, we have to unlearn sexism which comes normally to us as a result of enculturation. Still, I expect that when you decide to ‘sensitize’ the public on something, you do your research on the topic to ensure that if you don’t make things better, at least you don’t contribute to making them worse. I expect that those who decide to take on this new social blight should do so knowledgeably offering proactive ways to address it. To begin with, let’s address the problem from its roots. How better to do that than with a problem tree analysis. Let me turn geeky here for a bit, look at the diagram below: Figure 1: Problem tree analysis of Revenge Porn See, if we were to analyze this problem from the root, we would acknowledge that the reason revenge porn is possible in the first place is that we’ve allowed sexism to be a norm. In a sexist society, women compete with one another for over men, they have been socialized to aspire after a “virtuous lady” ideal irrespective of that virtue requiring them to prove their worth constantly or repress their sexuality; just note how many customs we have to reign in women- everything from FGM to breast ironing to labia elongation to early marriage. In a sexist society, women are condemned disproportionately to men, so though both guy and girl may be in the sex tape, we’ll call out the girl and let the guy go free. Similarly, though we know the nude pics are being sent to guys upon THEIR request we condemn the sender rather than bidder. People need to address the market, goods exist because the market exists. Another contributing factor is the taboo like a veil over all talks of sex and sexuality. How many of have frank conversations about sex with young people? How many of today’s parents can have open conversations with their kids? So where then does a young girl turn to when she receives a request for nudes from someone she likes and believes loves her just as much? The lack of comprehensive sex education leaves a vacuum where anything goes. Our legal system is an equally large factor in the mess leading to this problem. The majority of us are either ignorant of the law; Revenge Porn can be addressed using the Penal Code which prescribes sanctions for public decency in Section 264 and equally using section 349 which penalizes anyone taking advantage of the needs, weaknesses, and passions of a person under the age of 21). If we are not ignorant, we lack confidence in the system and thus do not pursue the matter, or ignore the risk we bear of being reigned in as accessories of the crime when we share revenge porn. Finally, even where we are aware of the law, and take the step of confidence to use it, it fails us. We all know of #Epie being let go after paying a measly 100.000frs despite the fact that he could be held on multiple counts, rape, taking advantage of a minor and publication of material subject to public indecency. Obviously, the police involved did not know the laws themselves or did not care enough to enforce the laws as they are called to. Considering these various causes, I reiterate my initial point: we are not discussing what needs to be discussed to adequately handle the problem of revenge porn. If we truly want to do
An Open Letter to My Sisters on Internalized Sexism and Sisterhood
Dear Sisters, How are you? How is Women’s Month treating you? Permit me tell you a story. One of my clearest memories from my undergraduate studies was of an assignment that required us to write on cultural practices which were abusive or violent towards women. We were encouraged to speak to older women, like our grandmothers, who would be more aware of our specific cultural traditions. As my grandma is no longer with us, my source would be the mothers of some family friends. One from a Southwest tribe and another from a Northwest tribe. I asked the former to tell me about the practice of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), and with the latter I discussed the practice of breast ironing. It is worthy to note that both these women looked down on my studying Gender Studies. While they enjoyed empowerment particularly a woman’s right to work and earn her own money, they like many others, didn’t like the word feminist and disliked any studies which promoted it. But they were willing to answer my questions. And thus while in the course of discussions with them, I brought up what I already knew. The practice of FGM was undoubtedly painful and while it claimed to ensure a woman’s ‘purity’ what it really aimed at was ‘curbing promiscuity’ by making intercourse an ordeal for the woman and in sewing up the sexual orifices (making them tighter) ensuring more pleasure for the man. The grandmother I spoke to did not deny this. She said she felt the practice was archaic and very dangerous with the poor sanitary conditions and prevalence of HIV- yet she could not really agree with what I said. She asked me “Are you saying it is a man that got up and decided that women should be cut like that? Are you sure? Why is it that it is women doing the cutting if the only beneficiaries are men?” Similarly when discussing with Grandma Number 2, I recounted my knowledge thus far on breast ironing. The practice was one where young girls had their budding breasts crushed with pestles or grinding stones (sometimes heated) to discourage the growth spurt. The reason was simple, the longer their breasts remain small, the longer they remained protected from the lustful gaze of men. This abuse was supposedly an act of protection from male predators. Rather than attacking the men with pestles (pounding predators and child molesters with pestles between the legs would be good) the would-be victims were attacked. Here again this grandmother said to me “you’re right, but I have always wondered why don’t the mothers think what they are doing is wrong. Why are they pounding on their children rather than the would-be predators?” At that time I couldn’t answer, but several years later I can. The answer is simply internalized sexism. The worst, and as I have recently witnessed, the most common type of sexism in Cameroon is internalized sexism. Let me offer you a simple definition: Internalized sexism or misogyny is the involuntary belief and acting on beliefs of sexist stereotypes about women by other women. It is simply women being sexist to one another because they have been socialized to believe that certain things are wrong for certain genders or socialized to believe other women are a threat etc. You see the women who advocate for FGM are assured, they believe that the practice would ensure their daughters would remain ‘pure’. They believe that women (always the other woman though) are promiscuous and to ensure that you won’t be you need to be circumcised. They believe it so they readily act on it. Fast forward to recent times. Cameroon social media spaces have been abuzz with the Nathalie Koah and Eto’o Fils scandal. In all of that, the majority of both men and women of course dragged Ms. Koah through the mud. She has been called a slut a gold digger, a home wrecker etc. Women often dragged her more than men did. Another case of Internalize misogyny. You see we’ve been socialized to see a woman’s philandering as more offensive than a man’s. Forget the fact that they man was in a relationship (or even married) and the woman was not. How dare she be so cheap? What was she planning? Did she think he would leave the good woman he had for someone as cheap as she? Women said these things. Often considering NK the other woman, the Jezebel they had been warned about. The one we have been socialized by countless Nollywood films to pray against, No one it seems bothers to pray against the philandering man. “Men are weak”, they say, like dried fish soaked in water. They break down easily. And so it goes with internalized sexism, you buy into a stereotype that women are supposed to be a certain way and when they are not you criticize them three times as much as you would the opposite sex that failed you. Internalize sexism is common, it is the voice of your mother or aunt which resonates from your teens warning you not to “tell your girlfriends everything”. It is the result of the constant competition girls are put up to-“Don’t you wish you had Jennifer’s shape, Annick’s butt, or could dance like Sandra? See as Rachel married quickly, it’s because she can cook….” Internalized sexism is almost intrinsic to us, unless you’re really aware of yourself you won’t catch it. You would feel threatened by your maid and permit her cook a meal for everyone at home but for your husband- he must eat on your food. You would see another woman applying for a job in your office and sabotage her, they might end up liking her more than you. You would say I don’t like that woman because she smokes whereas the reason you don’t like her is because you’ve been raised to consider smoking unladylike and yet not be fazed by a man