Nude pics? Sex tapes? Revenge porn is trending in Cameroonian social media spaces. For us, it’s a fairly new phenomenon. In a country where sex talk is still something to be done in the dark or behind closed doors, the ease with which sexually explicit content is being shared among young and old alike is breaking carefully built pretenses of our morality vis a vis western society. More than once, I have read comments like “these young people are following white people in doing such things, this is not Cameroonian”. As is often the case, whatever is deemed immoral is not traditionally ours, but exported. Ironical given how most of the morals we adhere to are elements of foreign culture and religion literally forced on us during colonialism. But never mind that, I am in no way attempting to normalize the trend of nude pics, sex tapes, and revenge porn. It is ‘abnormal’, it is unprecedented in our context and it is definitely not OK. However as conversations around this problematic trend go, I believe we’re failing to discuss what really needs to be discussed. Our society is a patriarchal and conveniently conservative one, most of us are addressing this is an issue with already sexist perspectives. That in itself is a problem as you cannot solve a sexual and sexist problem with more sexism. Let me explain: sexism in everyday words refers to discrimination against and/or biased treatment of men or women based on cultural stereotypes of their sex. The ‘leaking of nude pics, sex tapes often done with the intention of embarrassing/ or harassing women (in other words, revenge porn) involved is an act of sexism because as per cultural stereotypes, women are supposed to be “docile, modest and virtuous” and being ‘exposed’ in such sexually explicit content paints such a female as a ‘Jezebel’ and not a ‘good woman’. Now perhaps you can understand why using statements such as “girls should know their body is the temple of God and not take nudes but respect their bodies” to address this act of sexism is not helpful. In criticizing and cautioning only the females, you confirm and encourage the sexist stereotypes on which the act of revenge porn hinges. Last weekend, I was asked to speak on behalf of our department at an event themed: “Empowering Girls to Say No to Nudes” as I expected (and dreaded) the majority of speakers addressed the issue from sexist perspectives, we are socialized this way and I truly can’t blame them much, we have to unlearn sexism which comes normally to us as a result of enculturation. Still, I expect that when you decide to ‘sensitize’ the public on something, you do your research on the topic to ensure that if you don’t make things better, at least you don’t contribute to making them worse. I expect that those who decide to take on this new social blight should do so knowledgeably offering proactive ways to address it. To begin with, let’s address the problem from its roots. How better to do that than with a problem tree analysis. Let me turn geeky here for a bit, look at the diagram below: Figure 1: Problem tree analysis of Revenge Porn See, if we were to analyze this problem from the root, we would acknowledge that the reason revenge porn is possible in the first place is that we’ve allowed sexism to be a norm. In a sexist society, women compete with one another for over men, they have been socialized to aspire after a “virtuous lady” ideal irrespective of that virtue requiring them to prove their worth constantly or repress their sexuality; just note how many customs we have to reign in women- everything from FGM to breast ironing to labia elongation to early marriage. In a sexist society, women are condemned disproportionately to men, so though both guy and girl may be in the sex tape, we’ll call out the girl and let the guy go free. Similarly, though we know the nude pics are being sent to guys upon THEIR request we condemn the sender rather than bidder. People need to address the market, goods exist because the market exists. Another contributing factor is the taboo like a veil over all talks of sex and sexuality. How many of have frank conversations about sex with young people? How many of today’s parents can have open conversations with their kids? So where then does a young girl turn to when she receives a request for nudes from someone she likes and believes loves her just as much? The lack of comprehensive sex education leaves a vacuum where anything goes. Our legal system is an equally large factor in the mess leading to this problem. The majority of us are either ignorant of the law; Revenge Porn can be addressed using the Penal Code which prescribes sanctions for public decency in Section 264 and equally using section 349 which penalizes anyone taking advantage of the needs, weaknesses, and passions of a person under the age of 21). If we are not ignorant, we lack confidence in the system and thus do not pursue the matter, or ignore the risk we bear of being reigned in as accessories of the crime when we share revenge porn. Finally, even where we are aware of the law, and take the step of confidence to use it, it fails us. We all know of #Epie being let go after paying a measly 100.000frs despite the fact that he could be held on multiple counts, rape, taking advantage of a minor and publication of material subject to public indecency. Obviously, the police involved did not know the laws themselves or did not care enough to enforce the laws as they are called to. Considering these various causes, I reiterate my initial point: we are not discussing what needs to be discussed to adequately handle the problem of revenge porn. If we truly want to do
Takeaways from ‘The Struggle’
I recently wrote a piece for This is Africa on the lessons my experience of living under the Internet ban left me with. You can read the piece here The internet ban was just a fraction of this protest, however. This ‘struggle’ which has gone on for over seven months experience has marked me in more ways than I can express. I am sure it has marked others just as much if not more. As I noted takeaways from the internet ban I considered other lessons this experience in its entirety should have taught us collectively as Cameroonians. This experience; the loss, the violence, the rifts, the ignorance, and crookedness it has exposed should be at the very least a learning experience. It should above all else challenge us to address things we let slide before, contributing factors to our current predicament we often overlooked. Consider our Police…. For one, I hope Cameroonians now see the need to focus on the way we recruit our police and jailers. I hope we now find ourselves discontented at the common notion that if you are slow at school, unable to make it to university it is best to bribe your way into the police force for that government matricule. We regular send our least accomplished, our most unstable, school bullies and least learned people to be trained to enforce the laws of our society; how does that make sense? How then can we complain about police brutality? What do we expect given the crop we send there? The majority of those signing up for a life of ‘law enforcement are barely in it for love of law, our police are there for the regular pay, the potential abuse of power, the government matricule… so how then do we expect that these people be relied on to serve us in time on emergency? As though that isn’t enough, have we considered how they are trained? Stories of shaved heads, gruesome physical and verbal abuse during police and gendarme training regularly trickle out; we hear them and shrug. We mutter “hmmm” clap our hands or say ‘ashia’ in case we’re chanced to hear those who experienced it tell the story firsthand. But have we considered how the inhumane training process is for gendarmes, BIR, police, and wardens affect their performance? I have witnessed ENAP- Prison wardens newly admitted welcomed like criminals of war at their training institute. Following such ‘training’ how do we then expect them to act humanely to actual prisoners? Hopefully, this experience has highlighted that we need to train better police to be able to believe in law enforcement. As of now, I doubt a Cameroonian child would opt to go to the police for security reasons. Civic ignorance is a breast lump… Civic ignorance is one of our greatest threats. For democracy to work you need informed people. A government for the people, by the people, is only as great as the people themselves are. After months of seeing fellow citizens “just discover” historical ‘secrets’ they should know for fact, I pray we have established that we as a nation need to do better in terms of civic education. It is unthinkable that so many of the younger generation know so little of our own history and what little some know is further tainted and distorted to fit certain stereotypes passed on by parents and regional groups. If Cameroon as a whole cannot teach its combined history to its entire population, how then do we expect to ever be on the same footing, building a future together? It should be unheard of that a Cameroonian knows the second in command of American and French political parties but is uncertain of who is next in line to succeed their own president. A great deal of misinformation during this crisis succeeded primarily because people of both educational systems are so lacking in knowledge of common historical events, lacking in knowledge of political processes, our laws, and rights. People have readily spread rumors of the United Nations doing what that international body has little authority to do, and with every Facebook and WhatsApp share it has become someone’s version of the truth. We literally have grown folks citing Facebook posts as sources like some ignorant undergrads cite Wikipedia. You may be thinking: of course, it is a conspiracy by the government to keep us ignorant blah blah blah. But nope, that doesn’t cut it. We need to take an adequate share of responsibility for our ignorance. This level of ignorance isn’t a result one party’s doing. It’s like a breast lump left unchecked. We all have a hand in this one. You sanctioned ignorance when you gave your child pocket money to go spend on the on 11th February last year without them knowing why they were marching in the first place. We all want to claim injustice this year and denounce these events, what were we doing last year? I was on the field last year to question people on the purpose behind 11th February celebrations, the responses were terrible! See videos here. We allowed this ignorance to build to this point where is has- like spittle spat above our heads- come down to foul our faces. Our collective ignorance has been highlighted in neon green during this protest and if we can as a nation take away one thing from this experience, I hope that is the need to address civic ignorance. We often brush away our lack of interest in knowledge of our country with statements like “why you wan know sef, the whole country is trash”. I can’t sigh enough at this. We need to know so we can properly criticize the ‘trash’. We need to know so we can address the trashy parts or don’t we want it fixed? If we fail to address our ignorance today as a people, we should be ready to have it used against us in the near future. Finally, the time is
What’s happening in Cameroon? Learning, I hope
On the 10th of October 2016, Lawyers in two out of ten regions in the country went on strike/industrial action, after giving the government fair warning in 2015. For two weeks they sat home and did nothing. No one paid them any mind, in fact the Minister of Justice insulted them. They took permission to hold street protests (confirm) and after successfully marching across Commercial Ave (with a crowd of people joining them out of curiosity) their union president gave a speech calling for the end of the protests, thanking his colleagues and police who he claimed had “behaved like police of America and Britain “. He praised them prematurely it seems, because by the time he finished the police aimed teargas at their group to disperse them. Well two weeks after that incident teachers- the most populated occupational field in the nation- decided they would go on strike too. To support lawyers and to bring attention to their own issues with the government’s attempts at harmonization which tend to be more of an assimilation of one system by another. Of course this particular strike won’t be limited to the workers. It would also mean students, their parents in other professions etc. would be affected. THE MAJORITY OF THESE PEOPLE WERE NEVER FORMALLY OR CLEARLY INFORMED OF WHAT EXACTLY THEY WERE STRIKING FOR NOR FOR HOW LONG THIS WOULD GO ON. This omission was allowed to slide because we all know there was a problem with the way our government marginalized our unique systems. So we didn’t bother to define the problem knowing that there were, what harm could come of not knowing exactly which one we were fighting eh? Well as the strike progressed, language changed. The fact is, the issues raised by teachers and lawyers were a result of a much larger problem- the Anglophone problem- the problem our government tried to ignore and which a lot of our citizens have been unable to correctly diagnose. So language changed, it was no longer a fight for industrial action but gradually becoming a political revolution fueled by long repressed anger over the Anglophone predicament in this country and being used as an opportunity by a group of secessionists calling themselves Ambazonians (the name they had given the citizens of a country yet to exist which they are fighting for). In an attempt to ignore the strike thinking it would go away students of the University of Buea were called to school to write tests. However their teachers had set no tests and no one would be there to administer them, the administration basically attempted to show they were superior to the teachers they administer and it backfired. After two weeks without classes, students turned up and saw empty classrooms, then proceeded to storm the administration building and vent their anger. In the absence of the VC, the Director of Students Affair approached the students and asked for representatives to take in to see the VC’s deputies. The crowd chose the most vocal to represent them before the VC’s deputies. They presented their issues: · Anger over the fine which they were being asked to pay for late registration, · The fact that some students (Level 400 students) had yet to receive their Excellency awards Anger over being asked to come to school thereby disrespecting their teachers’ calls to stay home and respect their strike. Of these three reasons forwarded by the students only one had to do with the strike and only one was legit (and even then still questionable). The Level 400 students had already been set to receive their cash award. The proof is in the document dated Friday 25thof November. The last working day before the strike. That information had not gone out fast enough so the students didn’t know that the administration had actually had to force Yaoundé to fulfill its promise and “gift students with the award”. The fine the students complained about though was a more legitimate problem, not because students were being fined (quite frankly given the way we do things at last minute, or abuse deadlines we need to be fined) but rather because the fine was too steep 1/5th the school fees and it didn’t help that students were late to pay their registration fees this year as a result of technical issues with the school’s website. While they had a legit problem few of them had attempted to complain to the right office nor did they use their elected student leaders to lobby for them. In essence, being called back to school they used an already tense atmosphere to vent their frustration without prior warning. In fear of aggravating the situation, the deputies agreed with all student demands: The fine will be revoked, level 400 students will receive their awards as was already arranged, and the students would be asked to come to school only after the teachers called off their strike, the director returned with the student reps. to the crowd of students in front of the building. But things had changed, the peaceful students had been infiltrated. Students were now being encouraged by members of the banned student union UBSU to demand for the reinstatement of the union. The director thinking he had done all to appease the students was told no, they want to see the VC and have their union reinstated. This was obviously unexpected as that association had been banned for several years and few undergraduate students new of it enough to demand reinstatement. Later, when I would leave the security of the administrative block I would recognize alumni, UBSU members of the batch ahead of me, and see their vandalism of staff cars which would be blamed on the peaceful group who were obtuse to their protest being used. I would realize that calling students back to school rather than addressing the striking teachers at that time, created fertile grounds for manipulation and chaos. These UBSU members who had
An Ode to Those We’ve Lost
Last month I visited the United States briefly. After having spent almost seven years of my childhood there and returning home to Cameroon indefinitely, this trip was my first in fifteen years. Messages from friends spanned from “watch out for the police” to “buy me shoes” to ” we hope you’re coming back”. One particular writer friend wrote me asking how long I was traveling for. When I told her I was just going to be out for just over a week, she had this to say: “Ah okay. I’d been worried that we’ve lost another ???????????? Not that I would have told you if you were moving. I’d just have said congratulations and all the best and stuff like that. Then wished I had all African Presidents on speed dial so I could berate Biya for losing [another] top brain” It is this comment in particular and the experience of the trip which inspired this post. I traveled for a conference, my first academic conference. I was happy, proud of the achievement, but above all proud of the fact that I was going to the US on my own merit and for my own purpose after years of witnessing first-hand the lengths at which people go to leave Cameroon. As happy and proud as I was, I was also nervous. First about the conference, then about meeting family and friends I had not seen in fifteen years. I am not the Monique I had been before, life and various experiences which had come my way had changed me to the complex being I am now. And I am still changing, and metamorphosing to my fulfillment gradually. Would they respect that, I wondered. Or would they look at me with the prejudiced ideas a lot of those abroad have of those back home; that we are all just making do, that we all wish and pray for 1st world lives. I went in prepared to dispel myths, ready to make it clear some of us could ‘choose’ to be in Cameroon, ready to snub those bushfallers who would suggest I stay indefinitely, or laugh at my decision to return home. With this sort of thinking I unwittingly went in with my own prejudice. This prejudice however didn’t last long, it began cracking on my first day in Maryland (a.k.a Cameroon annex). It was a Sunday and we were celebrating my younger brother’s baptism at Silverspring Presbyterian Church. All through the church service I ran a commentary in my mind: Only three white people in this church? The pastor and two elderly… Are the rest Cameroonian then? Oh, there’s an African-American assistant pastor… probably ninety percent Cameroonian… At least ninety Lord this might as well be P.C Bastos, I mean look at the outfits, and look at the faces… the choir is singing in Bakweri or is that Douala…The pastor must be resigned, his church has been colonized. See these kids, most of them 1stgeneration Americans, singing “Everybody blow your trumpet” but without the accompanying gestures. How would they know what gestures to make? It’s close, but it can never be the same as Cameroon… <==={Cameroonian choir singing in at Silverspring Presbyterian Church, Maryland-USA With every thought I felt slight shame and a well of pity deepen within me. It is easy to get derailed by the younger bushfallers on social media who would have you think life is forever better on the other side, easy to feel annoyed when the embassy puts you through a tedious process because others have literally used up all the lies possible to get visas and leave the country for good, it is easy to forget that these people who now generalize about Cameroon as much as western media does, are victims. Yes, victims of the government that did not care for them. Victims aren’t always blameless, they don’t need to be. They are the injured party nonetheless. I was reminded of this as we closed service that morning and I was enveloped by the crowd of Cameroonians welcoming me to the country they were yet to consider their own. Most of them were elderly women, my mom’s friends and senior, each of them hugged me tight as though hugging the place I came from rather than me, they each had the same questions on their lips “How is Cameroon? How is home?” Cross-section of worshipers at Silverspring Presbyterian Church, Maryland If anything, it was obvious that irrespective of better standard of living (based on GDP), despite the guise most would put up about their American life, these were people walking around homesick. These were mothers who longed to retire but cannot do that with others depending on them and never ending bills, these were brothers who missed simple pleasures of a cheap cab ride to a bar where the barman might as well be a family friend. I had hoped the people I met would recognize and respect that I was not the same Monique, but not until that moment did I respect that those people had also changed. While there were still those who could care less, the majority were more up to date on Cameroonian news than those back home. They were not all the eager bushfallers they once had been, a lot of them had left Cameroon by choice but were now trapped out of it by circumstances. They now wondered if their kids would consider Cameroon home as they do, and try not to let it matter even though it does. About ten days ago, after the fatal Eseka train crash rocked the country, several comments bemoaned our having a president who obviously lacks a sense of duty to our country. The nation collectively mourned the lives we had lost to negligence. In a Whatsapp group I’m in, my friends took turns comparing what the worse consequence of our president’s rule has been. The corruption? The tribalism? Embezzlement? Laissez-faire culture? A failing healthcare system? The hazardous transportation system? Unemployment and underemployment?
My ‘Returnee Anniversary’: 15 Reasons I Love My Country
The day was 25thAugust 2001. I was less than three months shy of 12 years old, or as I often reminded people- I was a pre-teen. I was also set to board an Air France plane that morning to Cameroon. After the latest fit of pre-teen rebellion, my mother had vowed to “send me back” to Cameroon. A lot like returning a pet you adopted from the shelter but found you couldn’t handle. I was becoming “too American” and need to be sent to the motherland for straightening up. In some ways she was right, in several other ways, she was wrong. My first couple of years were hell, then I adapted. Then after having my ordinary levels I rebelled. Then I grew up, made my own decisions on what I wanted for myself. Grew up. Things work out in the end. I’ve come to realize that both of us just played into God’s plan. Don’t worry, one day I’ll finally finish writing about the journey to and fro and growing to finally belong. Then you can buy the book. For now, I am celebrating my 15th anniversary of being “sent back”. In sending kids back to Cameroon, parents in the diaspora often paint it as a form of punishment, or tough love. From my experience and those of others I know, kids are sent back home in other to get them to ‘straighten up’ or because the parents in the diaspora have issues and can’t take care of them at that time. Either way it doesn’t paint a picture of Cameroon as a place our children should happily return to. More like a boot camp/foster home. Despite the feeling of being here out of punishment than choice, I came to love my home country. You can say Cameroon grew on me. Or I grew to be Cameroonian. My musings this month are all about my ‘returnee’ experience, all the things I’ve come to love about my country and all the ways this country I love makes me crazed. So I decided to make a direct list rather than rant and rave. Here are 15 reasons I love my country, one for every year of my return. 15 Reasons I Love My Country 1. Our history. I am probably biased, but in my opinion Cameroon has one of the best historical tales ever. From the Bantu migrations to the naming of the country after the shrimp Portuguese found in our waters to the scramble for our lands and through multiple colonizations. For a relatively small strip of land, we have a lot of stories to pass down to our kids. I wish someone with a love for history could team up with an artistic cinematographer to bring our story to life. 2. Our ethnic diversity. Cameroon is nicknamed the ‘melting-pot of Africa’ for its cultural and geographical diversity. With over 200 ethnic groups you best believe we put the E in eclectic. 3. Our languages. Cameroon (not necessarily its people) is multilingual. Our country is home to over a 1000 different tongues/dialects. As though that is not enough, our history of multiple colonizations left us with a plurality of foreign languages, names etc. though we have just two official languages (both from the colonizers). Language is a touchy topic to many of us as Cameroonians because one language is obviously valued more than all others in this country- French. Yet I love how we have come to blend the languages by creating slang words like ‘chomecam’ and more. Eventually creating something uniquely ours popularly referred to as Camfranglais. 4. Our religious tolerance (well, relatively). Considering the cultural diversity, the multiplicity of languages, and mixture of religious beliefs (Christianity, Islam, Animism) Cameroon is perfect ground for instability fueled by religious discord. But we’re far from that. I schooled in several Presbyterian mission schools and each of them had Muslim students. My Muslim classmates had concessions during their religious holidays and were not bullied based on their religions. Heck, our Senior Prefect was Muslim. 5. Our laissez-faire simplicity. You know the popular adage “let sleeping dogs lie”? Well you never have to tell a Cameroonian that. We will let everything go on as it is as long as the price beer is not increased, our land still produces its rich variety of food and our football team continues to play. This laissez-faire nature explains why we’ve barely full blown political insurrections till date despite having one of the longest serving African dictators. 6. Our communal nature. If you live in urban areas in Cameroon, you may think we aren’t as communal as before. Well we are still more communal than a lot of other areas. After living in the UK for a year, I didn’t know my neighbor’s name. That would be impossible in Cameroon. You would probably know your landlady’s family history as you move in. You would most likely wake/be awaken by your neighbor at night to help take someone to the hospital. Our interdependence is real, it’s beautiful, and it’s sometimes a burden. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I imagine that if the USA had our communalism police violence wouldn’t be so common. Everyone is related (friendships included) to at least one police man, that cop would find that his victims family had visited the family patriarch in the village and soon enough there will be repercussions. 7. Our relative economic balance. Yes I said that. No, I don’t mean we have a good economy. What I mean is that unlike other countries I know, the gap between our rich and poor isn’t that large. Nearly everyone has one ‘wealthy’ family member as well as one family member who can barely feed themselves. It has been noted that we have one of the fastest growing middle class factionsin the region according to a World Bank report 8. Our range of possibilities. The saying “L’impossible n’est pas Camerounais” is often used derisively to mark
How Not to Love: Advice a Cameroonian Woman is Given in Point Form
Have you ever wondered why people find it so easy to tell women what to do and not do? Particularly as concerns their bodies, their emotions etc.? I wondered recently about the many rules we’re given which restrict event the way we choose to do the simplest, most natural thing: love. Here are a few rules passed on to me or ‘sisters’ I know. This list is far from exhaustive, so feel free to add more in the comments… *** 1- Do not like him first, and even if you do, never show it. Die with that secret sister. The man should love you first. If not you’re needy and God forbid he knows you’re needy. He will use and abuse you. No one wants a needy woman. 2- Do not be the first to say “I love you” he should say it first. Those words have power You need to make sure he loves you before ‘exposing yourself’. 3- Date the man who loves you more than you love him. Heck, you don’t even need to like him . Your affection may grow after he’s showered you with love for months (or years)… and this way, you don’t get as angry/hurt when he screws up (as it is claimed they all do). You’ll hardly be hurt on hearing the man you barely like is cheating (such logic *_* ) 4- Don’t be too honest, men can’t handle blunt truth. Don’t be openly sexual, but don’t be a prude. Sacrifice your opinions, let him feel he is ‘right’ even when he’s not- especially then. 5-Treat him as your ‘first child’. You’ll know he’s the one when he treats you like his ‘mom’. 6- Do not give a man money, it will emasculate him VS. Present to your man all your money, it will show you are submissive. 7- Do not treat a boyfriend as though he is more than just that- a boyfriend VS. Treat a boyfriend as a would-be husband and he will know you are “serious”… People, my people ☝☝☝ this right here is why we’re messed up. In a world full of hate we make love complicated. Then again the complication may be limited to one gender. Because while your calculating whether who loves who more the guy is likely breezing through. It is worthy to note here that these complications, like the advice above are often spearheaded by other women. We are undoubtedly gatekeepers of patriarchy. P.S If you wonder at my response to most the above advise; it’s simple. Love your way, life is too damn short to do otherwise.
Learning to Love Mother
In Africa, my part at least, hating your mother is a taboo. “How can you trust someone who dislikes their own mother?” one of my cousins asked when I expressed my fanship of Eminem in the early 2000’s. His hit ‘Cleaning out my Closet’ didn’t do for her what it did for me in my fervor of teenage angst. On the contrary, every African artist worth their fan base has sung at least one song about their mother’s love. It is expected that we love our mothers, how could we not? They birthed us, bathed us, carried us, took care of us when sick… you see this is essentially about us? Which makes me wonder, what about those who didn’t have their mothers do these things for them? The absentee moms, the moms gone too soon, the moms who just weren’t cut out to be motherly and delegated to others? But above all this I wonder, what if your mom wasn’t a mom. Would you still love her? Her as in her person, because before she was your mother, before anything else she’s a woman. Would you love her work ethic, her decisions, her character, her style? Is the love we often profess for our mothers dogmatic, incomplete because we mostly love them in gratitude, because of their mothering rather than who they are in all? I for one, think truly loving your mother is often a learning process. You may love her (with a lowercase ‘l’) intrinsically from childhood for who she is to you, but as you grow you learn to know her more, develop opinions for yourself and this determines if you truly Love her (uppercase L). You will need her to be more; to be someone you respect, admire, enjoy spending time with, a role model, someone who understands you and what you are going through, who lets you be you and lots more. Often times our mothers fail in these plethora of roles and it is only when we’ve reached a certain stage in life ourselves that we can truly appreciate how difficult it had been for them to maintain those limited roles they did succeed at. A friend of mine recently shared an idiom (can’t trace the original source) which brings another perspective to this. It goes: As all man go talk sey e mami na the best, na who e own be the witch wey di fly for night? Loosely translated to English this would be: Given that everyone claims their mother is perfect, whose mother is the evil/flawed one? This brings to mind another ‘taboo’ of sort in our society, speaking anything but positive of certain people. This is includes people such as your mother, father, husband and everyone that has ever died. Should our president ever pass on you will get a first-hand lesson on this form of hypocrisy. But back to my point…If we cannot honestly criticize our mothers how can we claim to love them? Shouldn’t we preferably say we love what they do for us? In my experience, I grew to love my mother more from thinking of her as woman first. Recognizing the needs she has that would mostly go unsatisfied unless she takes things into her own hands, respecting her strength in the face of everyday inequalities, appreciating her self-reliance, drive, hard work and take-no-nonsense demeanor all of which would have been criticized at one point or the other in our patriarchal society. Above all, it was by seeing her flaws (the ones I’m not allowed to acknowledge much less talk about) and gaining permission from her being flawed to be somewhat flawed myself, it was in understanding how she came about those weaknesses and appreciating the power she wields despite- perhaps because of- them that I truly learned to love my mother. This month began with two close friends of mine entering the world of motherhood as they birthed their first children. They are beyond ready and eager to be the best they can be. So I just have one wish- that they remember they are women/human first and realize that they can allow their children to see them as more than just mommy, it may help them. To those currently working on their relationships with their mothers, consider looking at them as just human, to an extent product of circumstances, flawed as a prerequisite and just trying to make it through this thing called life too. We expect them to have all the answers but at some point the only answer they will have for everything is “I am here”. And that too might do. Leave a comment below and tell me, why do you love your mama?
An Open Letter to My Sisters on Internalized Sexism and Sisterhood
Dear Sisters, How are you? How is Women’s Month treating you? Permit me tell you a story. One of my clearest memories from my undergraduate studies was of an assignment that required us to write on cultural practices which were abusive or violent towards women. We were encouraged to speak to older women, like our grandmothers, who would be more aware of our specific cultural traditions. As my grandma is no longer with us, my source would be the mothers of some family friends. One from a Southwest tribe and another from a Northwest tribe. I asked the former to tell me about the practice of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), and with the latter I discussed the practice of breast ironing. It is worthy to note that both these women looked down on my studying Gender Studies. While they enjoyed empowerment particularly a woman’s right to work and earn her own money, they like many others, didn’t like the word feminist and disliked any studies which promoted it. But they were willing to answer my questions. And thus while in the course of discussions with them, I brought up what I already knew. The practice of FGM was undoubtedly painful and while it claimed to ensure a woman’s ‘purity’ what it really aimed at was ‘curbing promiscuity’ by making intercourse an ordeal for the woman and in sewing up the sexual orifices (making them tighter) ensuring more pleasure for the man. The grandmother I spoke to did not deny this. She said she felt the practice was archaic and very dangerous with the poor sanitary conditions and prevalence of HIV- yet she could not really agree with what I said. She asked me “Are you saying it is a man that got up and decided that women should be cut like that? Are you sure? Why is it that it is women doing the cutting if the only beneficiaries are men?” Similarly when discussing with Grandma Number 2, I recounted my knowledge thus far on breast ironing. The practice was one where young girls had their budding breasts crushed with pestles or grinding stones (sometimes heated) to discourage the growth spurt. The reason was simple, the longer their breasts remain small, the longer they remained protected from the lustful gaze of men. This abuse was supposedly an act of protection from male predators. Rather than attacking the men with pestles (pounding predators and child molesters with pestles between the legs would be good) the would-be victims were attacked. Here again this grandmother said to me “you’re right, but I have always wondered why don’t the mothers think what they are doing is wrong. Why are they pounding on their children rather than the would-be predators?” At that time I couldn’t answer, but several years later I can. The answer is simply internalized sexism. The worst, and as I have recently witnessed, the most common type of sexism in Cameroon is internalized sexism. Let me offer you a simple definition: Internalized sexism or misogyny is the involuntary belief and acting on beliefs of sexist stereotypes about women by other women. It is simply women being sexist to one another because they have been socialized to believe that certain things are wrong for certain genders or socialized to believe other women are a threat etc. You see the women who advocate for FGM are assured, they believe that the practice would ensure their daughters would remain ‘pure’. They believe that women (always the other woman though) are promiscuous and to ensure that you won’t be you need to be circumcised. They believe it so they readily act on it. Fast forward to recent times. Cameroon social media spaces have been abuzz with the Nathalie Koah and Eto’o Fils scandal. In all of that, the majority of both men and women of course dragged Ms. Koah through the mud. She has been called a slut a gold digger, a home wrecker etc. Women often dragged her more than men did. Another case of Internalize misogyny. You see we’ve been socialized to see a woman’s philandering as more offensive than a man’s. Forget the fact that they man was in a relationship (or even married) and the woman was not. How dare she be so cheap? What was she planning? Did she think he would leave the good woman he had for someone as cheap as she? Women said these things. Often considering NK the other woman, the Jezebel they had been warned about. The one we have been socialized by countless Nollywood films to pray against, No one it seems bothers to pray against the philandering man. “Men are weak”, they say, like dried fish soaked in water. They break down easily. And so it goes with internalized sexism, you buy into a stereotype that women are supposed to be a certain way and when they are not you criticize them three times as much as you would the opposite sex that failed you. Internalize sexism is common, it is the voice of your mother or aunt which resonates from your teens warning you not to “tell your girlfriends everything”. It is the result of the constant competition girls are put up to-“Don’t you wish you had Jennifer’s shape, Annick’s butt, or could dance like Sandra? See as Rachel married quickly, it’s because she can cook….” Internalized sexism is almost intrinsic to us, unless you’re really aware of yourself you won’t catch it. You would feel threatened by your maid and permit her cook a meal for everyone at home but for your husband- he must eat on your food. You would see another woman applying for a job in your office and sabotage her, they might end up liking her more than you. You would say I don’t like that woman because she smokes whereas the reason you don’t like her is because you’ve been raised to consider smoking unladylike and yet not be fazed by a man
What Day? What Are We Celebrating?
Hey Everyone!Halfway through the second month! How’s 2016 treating you so far? Well, in 2013 I founded a youth development association called Better Breed Cameroon, and in a bid to raise consciousness in young followers we did a Vox Pop on our Facebook page asking people the reason behind Cameroon’s Youth Day. Three year’s later as we now celebrate half a century of Youth Days, I decided to take this Vox Pop to the “field” where young people march past older notables seated in the shade of grand stands.Watch the videos of our respondents below and tell us what you think! We began with those we considered to be more knowledgeable- the members of the ruling party’s youth wing! These were the only YCPDM members we could find to answer questions in English though, the majority spoke French as a first language despite being based in Buea. Knowing we have French literate readers here we interviewed a few of them all the same. We also asked a few younger students and given the other responses, they gave us a bit of hope; And last but not the least… So readers, how well are we informed of a day we have been celebrating for 50 years now? Perhaps the president should mention the reason for the day in his annual speeches?What are we celebrating? And are the March-pasts enough?Tell us what you think! P.SAll young respondents featured gave verbal consent to the interview and use of the video. Their school officials as adults equally gave consent to this.
Yet another New Year Speech and a Proposed New Year Resolution
Happy New Year Readers! Hope you had a lovely holiday season. And what were the resolutions? I hope you made some because we Cameroonians desperately need to make some collectively as a country. On the 31st of December as is his norm our president of #33years and counting made yet another New Year speech. As always the speech, a well put together piece of PR jargon, was delivered in French and a flawless translation made available in retrospect. Reading the speech, I felt like it deserved an honest line by line critique. But as I’m trying to avoid beginning the year with an angry rant, I’ll just stick to writing on the major point which struck me. For better understanding of this post, it would be wise to read the whole speech HERE. *** Any idea that our president is a fool should be obliterated. Contrary to popular opinion, our African leaders aren’t poor managers because they are foolish. Nope, they are savvy, cunning political gurus. You have to have some serious gifts to play people against each other and maintain power for #33years. The sad truth is they just don’t care enough to manage better. The most recent proof of our president’s high level intelligence is his proper use of euphemism and subtle use of sarcasm injected in this year’s speech. And I quote: “You would agree with me – I believe – that a single word suffices to describe our country during the year that is drawing to an end: RESILIENCE. I am referring, as you know, to our people’s capacity to resist and to cope with day-to-day challenges, which is acknowledged by all development partners. Resilience here is great euphemism for ‘ability to put up with crap’. Imagine your president knowing you lot barely cope day to day and commending you for enduring (despite grumbling of course) the corruption, bad roads, poor health care and general mismanagement. Then here’s the irony; he says this endurance has been acknowledged by development partners. HA! Yes, I’m sure in shadow reports the UN, World Bank, WHO and more remark with amazement at how the people of Cameroon do it. How do they take the underemployment rate of 70% in stride and accept the corruption as norm, dreaming and living in spite of the stifling realities and without even the protests so popular in neighbouring countries? Resilience. Like a teacher, Mr. President went on to grade our year’s effort. We are told we have done okay considering “adverse global context, our economy was able to hold up well, maintaining its 6% growth forecast and curbing the inflation rate at slightly less than 3%”. I’m not even going to comment on those statistics because I’m sure if statistics from Ahidjo’s reign were put up against the collective #33ans of the current leader we’ll see no growth. A point of humor for me was when he said neither the unexpected expenditure on the war on terrorism could hinder us from reaching our objectives. I didn’t know we had reached any objective. Unless the objective was to see 2016 alive. Then he adds that “We can do better. We must do better.” It is this point that stayed with me. Yes we can and must do better and that will not happen by being resilient. The president was wrong in saying resilience is the trademark of great nations, history shows that all nations considered great today fought for that greatness. There were strikes, there was collective action, people got fed up and there were revolutionaries. Enduring is great but it won’t take you to the next level. The fact that our president would see that as a trait to commend us for should worry us. Have you asked yourself, maybe we’re being too enduring, a bit too resilient? Have we accepted our fate with “Camer c’est Camer”? Have we come to expect the demands for bribes, have we come so weathered by the mismanagement that we no longer question why we have to pay for the nurses gloves when we go to the hospital? Have we become so accommodating that the president can giv e us unsourced statistics on job creation and expect us to take it without question? Is our resilience a virtue if it means we take “reviewing fuel prices downward and family allowance upward” and an increase in cost of making a passport without question? Perhaps if we were less ‘resilient’ our president would have managed to offer one New Year, Youth Day or National Day speech in English. The thesaurus offers the words strong, buoyantand hardyas synonyms for resilience. These words no doubt suit Cameroonians- we hope, hustle and adapt to the situation as it comes, we have done same for #33years. Thinking on it, I’m reminded of one of Phylicia Rashad’s lines from Tyler Perry’s For Coloured Girls: “I do you like I do you ‘cause I know you can handle it, I’m sorry.” Our strength, a result of experiences we wish we hadn’t had is being abused. We have to realise that an unchecked virtue is a vice. Our resilience, our willingness to put up with it all may be at the root of our stagnancy. As such, I propose a New Year resolution for Cameroonians. Don’t be too resilient this year. Call out the crap when you see it, question and make sure they know that we know what is wrong. But more, try in your own corner to make the wrong right.