When it comes to our own; our country, bodies, opportunities we often dwell on the negatives more than the positive but it is a known fact that when we dwell on the good we feel a whole lot better. So I’m going to give out doses of “feel good” with this new series I came up with. The Laudables. Each part of this series will acknowledge a laudable group of people of this-day Cameroon, interview them and give them what limelight Musings has to offer. For this month we shall applaud the Bloggers. Blogging by my definition is the easier, informal self-publishing of articles, videos, comics etc using a blog. And what is a blog? The term blogis short for web log, a “log” of diary-like entries published on a web site. This is how it started, people publishing their daily thoughts for all to read on their website. The modern blog evolved from the online diary, where people would keep a running account of their personal lives and opinions and are generally recognized as bloggers. The timeline of blogging starts in the late 1990’s and in the West of course, but almost two decades later there is no doubt a “blog boom” going on in Africa and Cameroon (for once) is not missing out! Why is it so important you may ask? Why is it worth mentioning even? Let me explain: We grumble and complain about the bias portrayal of Africa on mainstream media. During the last presidential elections in 2011 no single major broadcasting station mentioned what should have been a decisive moment in our history…well I guess they already knew no decision worth noting was going to be made. The individual has a voice and the media due to those who sponsor it can’t always tune their voice in. Be it on fashion, or some remarkable event, a home hero/heroine, a new song, your opinion on religion or your personal politics, blogging helps you make your voice heard on whatever topic you wish to talk about. The increase of blogs run by Africans is making it easier for non-Africans to know that Africa is NOT a country; bloggers disseminate information differently and have brought their country and the ways of their people to the limelight. I’m proud to say I’m one of many bloggers in Cameroon. When I started blogging (seriously) I was shocked to note just how many we were! Shocked because for a country who only just recently enforced computer science as a subject in schools and where the internet connection is generally poor at best (and that is putting it mildly) it shows great effort to have so many bloggers all voicing their own side of the story. In no particular order and inclusive of both French and English blogs, here are some examples: Ø I Rep Camer http://irepcamer.blogspot.com Ø Scribbles from the Den http://www.dibussi.com Ø Art Becomes You http://artbecomesyou.com Ø Amanjodzeka http://amanjodzeka.wordpress.com Ø Addicted to Etsy http://www.addicted2etsy.com/ Ø Can Never Be A Skinny Bish http://canneverbeaskinnybish.com/ Ø De Braun Hill http://braunhillblogs.wordpress.com Ø Kamer Kongossa http://kongossa.mondoblog.org Ø PolicyStan http://policystan.blogspot.com Ø Dulce Camer http://dulcecamer.blogspot.com Ø Find Palaver Woman http://findpalaverwoman.blogspot.com Ø Africally Speaking http://www.africallyspeaking.com Ø Bayangi Girl http://banyangigirl.blogspot.com Ø Frisha Gold https://frishagold.wordpress.com Ø No Mami Pikin Left behind http://nomamipikinleftbehind.blogspot.com Ø Letters To Cameroon http://letterstocameroon.wordpress.com Etc…… With all these blogs named you may get the idea that blogging has become cheap. You would be wrong. Blogging requires self-perception, authoritativeness, originality discipline and dedication, attributes which pretty much disqualify most people. Oh, they will try, set up a blog and share something for a few weeks even a few months then something else distracts them. Or there are those (ehem, like me, ehem) who are slow bloggers. In other words do not mark your ovulation cycle by us. You just might have a heart attack. Well, to get down to the point, in this web 2.0 age of blogging there are Cameroonians in the mix laudably, YAY! And more, there are also a few good, serious minded, consistent ones too, another YAY!! I shall without further ado throw the spotlight on some of that select laudable few… the crème de la crème of the Camer blogosphere: I Rep Camer Yes she does! “She” is Yefon Mainsah, a 34 year old Engineer, the lady behind I Rep Camer who is into everything and then some! She is currently based in Houston, Texas where she blogs from and impresses us with how much she knows on what is going on with Cameroonians all over the globe. And I mean ALL OVER. I call Yefon the Queen of Camer Bloggers because she knows them all, and connects them to one another. Following I Rep Camer will keep you up to date on what’s happening with up and coming entrepreneurs, artists, and anyone worth noting in Camer social life. With I Rep Camer Yefon uplifts Cameroonians doing what others say cannot be done. And did I say she does this consistently? Since she began blogging in April 2009, she updates her blog at least once a week and has 54 steady followers for the blog and over 800 on the blogs Facebook page. Like I said, she’s QUEEN ergo a Pro at this. Musings got her to answer some questions for us and here are her responses to the following questions: 1. What was the idea behind the naming of your blog? The name is self explanatory. I Rep Camer! To represent Cameroon and showcase who and what we are to the world. 2. What is blogging to you, and what is the basic content of your blog? Blogging started as an out and escape from a stressful job but now I blog to promote, engage, exchange, share and to have a voice. In essence my blog is your stop for all things Cameroon and Africa plus the random thoughts and musings of an All in One Engineer, Movie/Music & Accessories junkie. With multi-focus on Arts, Culture, Entertainment, Fashion,
Trending On My Mind
So I’ve had a lot on my mind this month, and the muse has been fickle and sporadic so I can’t say it’s given me just one thing to ponder on. And rather than plague you with my thought stream which at this time feels like a Mozilla Firefox window with 1001 tabs open and loading. I’ll pick a few topics trending on my mind right now and let you muse along with me? This month is World Poetry month… I’ve been feeling particularly poetic. Have you ever noticed how the best poems, songs and well art in general have root in pain? Be it death, or injustice and discrimination or self-degradation and failure. And of course love. That bitter-sweet thing… well here’s love poem that seems to be trending too: My Calabash My love for you is a calabash cracked, And with every second and every step its contents waste Drop by drop, evaporates Whereas it would have moisturized your skin, Healed the cracks left by past harmatans, Caressed your innards, filled you up and squelched your souls hunger… But drop by drop it wastes And I pray alternatively but ever fervently one of two prayers… May you close the distance and drink from my calabash or May the dripping quicken, empty the vessel and free me to throw away this calabash and hope with it. 2. This month also holds World Book Day slated internationally for April 23rd. The Anglophone Cameroon Writers Association of which I am a part of is trying to get this day more recognition in the country. In the Southwest region we have a reading competition for youth to encourage them to read beyond the narrow scope of their school required texts. A lot of people say we do not have the reading culture in Cameroon and leave it at that. Well that culture like all forms of culture does not fall from a tree or get declared by a prophet. It is grown are bred over time. When you rear a child to think the only reason they should be reading a book is to ward off failure in an upcoming exam, you stump all possibility of a “reading culture”. Moreover when you force children to read a particular genre you destroy the genuine inquisitiveness and curiosity- prerequisites to learning. There is no “bad book” Let them choose what they want to read, magazines, newspapers and even comic books all of these are forms of literature. And for God sakes just because it’s not Shakespeare or Hemingway or Soyinka doesn’t mean it’s not relevant. 3. Still on the topic of books. A friend of mine asked recently what kind of books we have in Cameroon when I told her about the book drought I usually suffer from. I told her it is easy to find Harlequins, Mills and Boons, Nora Roberts, John Grisham, Daniel Steele and other pop fiction. With some added effort you may find a wider range of books such as Harry Potter, Alice In Wonderland, 1984, Alice Walker’s books, and Bill Clintons My Life. However the most popular and most accessible books would be the self help books. You can see a copy of Rich Dad Poor Dad pass by you as you sit in a bus traveling to Yaoundé. You will see Stormie Omartian’s Power of a Praying… collection every time you walk by a book shop. When you see a bookshop know that either it has school texts or Christian devotionals and self help books. From Creflo Dollar to Pastor Adebayo EVERYONE AND THEIR FATHER HAS ADVICE TO GIVE!!! 4. In similar thought, have you noticed how most of these self helps are geared towards either garnering prosperity for men or getting/keeping a husband/home for women? When you step outside of church you see them strewn on the floor… 21 Things Every Single Women Should Know. Finding Your Soulmate, Power Of A Praying Woman/Wife, What Men Wish Women Knew, How to be the IDEAL Woman etc. One hardly ever sees books guiding men n relationships and considering that the female gender has been socialized from childhood on how to be a “lady”, care and nurture her other half you would think the books would be geared more towards those who need the advice- MEN! 5. And then I got to thinking what would we write in a self help book for men on relationships? The list became too long in my mind but mostly there are 4 categories i. COMMUNICATE. Women talk we expect that reciprocation at least. When someone sends you a 3 page SMS“Okay” doesn’t cut it as an answer. A lot of problems arise in relationships out of miscommunication. If men said their mind regularly and did not leave women to play guessing games a lot of time would be saved ii. You are not doing a girl a singular honor by asking her out on a date. It’s supposed to be a two way treat. And her accepting to go out on a date with you doesn’t mean you are in a relationship. Separate the two. iii. Define your purpose. Unfortunately women have been entrained to expect the asking and not to do the asking. As such they wait to be asked out and courted even if they are really interested (then some of them go overboard with the idea of stalling an answer so not as to seem “desperate”). So guideline # 3 would be defining your purpose from the first move. WHAT DO YOU WANT? We ae wary of guys by this century so tell us straight and save us time please… In fact use these question starters to lead you: What you want, Why you want it, Who you are and How long you plan to want this and How you plan to convince us…. iv. If you didn’t know, the E in relationship stands for EFFORT. A political campaign takes 18 months of convincing people to win, yet
Musings On Women’s Day
Happy Women’s month! May we observe the month wisely. In my own little contribution towards the rightful honoring of this month I’m going to share my musings on the various questions and comments which arise regularly during this period. 1- Why celebrate women’s day? This is a popular question asked predominantly by men, who go on to add “Is there a men’s day?” To which some smart-mouthed women would counter “99 days for the thief 1 day for the owner”. As cute as the bi-play is, it is misleading. Women’s day is not to be “celebrated” so much as observed and commemorated. It is not a “fete” as the French say it is like other international days (Commonwealth Day, International Labor Day etc) a day to honor a certain activity, or group of persons usually under-looked. As such, throughout the month of March we commemorate women who despite making up over 50:5 of the world’s population, make up just 17% of parliamentarians (UNICEF, New York: 2006, p.56), own less than 12% of the land globally and constitute over 70% of the worlds minimum wage workers. In Cameroon in particular, women hold 20 of 100 Senate seats, 56 of the 180 seats in the National Assembly and only 09 of 66 cabinet posts. 2- Woman Eh! and Wrappa wahala is all about the International Day of the Woman… No. “Woman eh!” and “wrappa wahala” is limited to Cameroon. We have (with much misguidance from our ministry and leaders) reduced what was to be a month of recognition and concentration on furthering women in development to a day of march-pasts, fashion parades in a variety of styles made from annually distributed fabric and of course eating and drinking. In other countries (if we would care to emulate) during women’s month activities such as round table discussions, Take Your Daughter To Work Day, recognition of inspiring women in history and present among other things are carried out in commemoration of women. 3- Who makes up these themes? This is the funny part. There is a UN theme for each year for us to ponder on while honoring the International Day of the woman. I realized this year that there were actually three themes. That which is listed as the UN theme on their website (Equality for Women is Progress for All), that which is popular spread as the international theme (Inspiring Change), and that which our ministry here releases at last minute and we see printed on the fabric each year (Women as Active Participants in National Integration). In a world which is working towards being a global village, you would think we would all be able to agree on a single theme for a single day right? 4- Isn’t all this talk of Gender “much ado about nothing?” Over a century since the feminist movement took off people may now presume the movement and feminist mantra is redundant. However those people would be wrong. Like racism, sexism and the oppression of women was and has been so deeply rooted in our cultures, belief and thought systems that they cannot be simply eliminated. The feminist movement is responsible for women now being able to wear trousers, go to work, free themselves of abusive relationships, own land, marry whom they wish or choose not to marry at all. The feminist movement is responsible for the fact that a woman who is raped can seek justice; a girl can go to school, the drop in women and infant mortality, the representation of women in parliaments etc. There is still a long way to go. While a victim of rape can now seek justice, she is hardly guaranteed of finding it. Just last week a women was killed after being gang raped and it was considered “right” for she led the men to sin. While a a girl can got o school she will still face a sexism in recruitment when entering the job market. While women’s mortality rates have dropped, women still die more from gender violence than any other cause cancer and accidents included. While women are now represented in parliament theirs is mostly a quota representation with barely 18% worldwide. As such the feminist movement and the fight for gender equality is NOT “much ado about nothing”. 5- What about all the privileges women have that men don’t? Isn’t it now an issue of reverse sexism? Recent posts on a group page on Facebook states how women “have too many privileges yet complain”. It lists “the months women have for maternity leave, how men open doors for women, how men are trained to stand while women sit, how society demands that men provide for their women, how more and more women are bosses today and usually misuse their power oppressing men all the more, how women are the targets for more sponsorships, aids and scholarship just based on sex etc” as reasons for this claim that women are more privileged and that most sexism today is bias to favor women. This is false conclusions drawn by someone who looks on the surface and little else. The concept of male gallantry; opening of car doors, sitting by the side of the door in taxis to “protect the woman in the middle”, placing the woman behind you etc is all a mirror trick. While men claim to be gallant they restrict. The nature by which society expects the men to “gallantly” provide for the women is very similar to the western practice of giving 3rdworld countries financial aid but restricting their economic rights such that they can never truly be independent. I imagine that in Saudi Arabia women don’t split wood or dig trenches they are saved from that hard labor as it is “men’s work” yet women are also denied the right to drive and are thus restricted to the home. I’m sure that women in Yemen have been “privileged to have their husbands bring them treats and such from work on
An Open Letter to Cameroonians…
Dear fellow Cameroonian, How are you? I hope fine, though I doubt it. I doubt it because I hear you grumbling all the time. One of my earliest memories is of family gathered at an Aunts house at Ecole de Poste, Yaoundé. It was a small two bedroom apartment with cold walls and a musty smell as a result of being built on the marshes. As we children sat on the grey concrete floors poorly covered with a tattered plastic carpet we listened to the adults grumbling about the president and the ruling party, CPDM, as the members marched in a parade televised. As groups marched with their right hand over their hearts and their left hands raised adoringly towards the president in salute, we heard the grownups speculate and mumble about how millions were being mismanaged; how this person or that was being bribed or bribing; how SDF should have won the ’92 elections; etc. That memory has re-occurred in different houses with different Cameroonian relatives and why not, in different countries at different times of my life. The grumbling is always there; in a taxi or bus as we dodge crater-like pot-holes or stop to give some uniform-wearer (I don’t want to spoil the term title: police officer) a thousand francs note. It is there when salaries are delayed because of some technicality that has to be corrected only in some illusive office in Yaounde (and correction is not for free o!).There is grumbling when the latest shake down reveals that 20 billion had been embezzled (the money you shall never see), there is grumbling when’ concours’ are written registering 20.000 candidates for just 20 spots to be filled, there is grumbling when election time comes around and we see no change, there is grumbling in the church, there is grumbling at schools when teachers see their salaries and the size of their classes, when students are about to graduate and join the sea of unemployed, there is grumbling in the hair dressing salons and poisonneries (cold stores) when lights go off for days and there is no one to hold accountable. No one to query for the days of business services and goods lost. There is grumbling in the bars, almost always in the bars, over bottles of Guinness and 33 Export no matter the price per bottle…. Till I came to the conclusion recently that my dear beloved Cameroonians, we have what one would call a “form of discontent”. We give the impression of displeasure but it is all a charade. A very inbred charade. For our actions show that we are content just the way we are. Now dear brother don’t get upset because the truth hurts. Let me prove my point eh? Let me show you how I know you are content, let me show you why… I know you are content because you talk much but do nothing. And even when you do, it is not to solve/address the problem but to eat your own share of the national cake. Case in point; those who have set up one of the over 200 political parties in the opposition, who we hear nothing about till election year when they vie for “campaign allowances” never to be heard from again. I know you are content because you do not show up for elections, saying “after all what will change?” Well, nothing will if you don’t do something. I know you are content because you invest ten times the energy you would need to address your situation in Cameroon into the glorious pursuit for a foreign visa or blue passport… I know you are content because you are ever ready and willing to bribe your way through the ‘concours’, the red tape in offices, the not having all car documents etc. and of course you expect a little “motivation” when it is your turn too. I know you are content because you ignore your history and as a result repeat it. I know you are content because rather than fighting for your own language not to be considered “les patois la” you learned to speak theirs… I know you are content because you, yes you my neighbor who had grumbled about how “this man needs to step down” “this man is spending our money in France” “This man is a shame of a leader” after all that grumbling, I saw you run to the road when you heard his car was coming up from Mutengene. I watched you and many others who had grumbled and insulted that “shameful leader” I saw you people jump up and down in ecstasy waving your hands in the air and smiling. And not a hint of grumbling could be evidenced. It was as if you were not all the same grumblers, like you had forgotten or forgiven that which had disgruntled you, including the gendarme standing before us with tear gas and other weapons in his hands and belts ever ready to attack should we attempt to go too close. I know you are content because for over 30 years the same person has ruled you and you have done nothing but talk behind his back then fawn over him with wishes of “many more years” and motions of support when put on the podium (Ah ah! You could at least say “no comment” than to do that about turn na). I know we are content because we don’t yearn for change as much as we yearn for a chance to be posted or given some title or the other which would grant us our own share of the national cake…then we do all the things we have formerly complained about. I know you are content because you left from Tombel, Bafut palaces, Jakiri, Akwaya and Bakassi (even Bakassi oh!) to march past in parade before a man you had grumbled and complained about. You are definitely content because you even brought him gifts. Chiefs and Fons bowed low
Lets Talk Romance
My all time favorite line from a movie comes from Love Jones the African American romance of the year 2000. Darius the male lead says “Romance is about the possibility of the thing. You see, it’s about the time between when you first meet the woman, and when you first make love to her; When you first ask a woman to marry you, and when she says I do. When people who been together a long time say that the romance is gone, hmm hmm…what they’re really saying is they’ve exhausted the possibility. When a girl-friend recently asked “how does one learn to be romantic” I immediately thought of all the terrible attempts guys make at it. And how she would probably be trying to get some romance out her man. The African man has always copied (and generally unsuccessfully) most of the Western trends. Romance is just one of the many trial and error cases. One would think that with globalization and the rate at which western movies flock our markets, the guys would be getting intensive training; one would be wrong! It seems they see but don’t feel, defying the possibility of romance. They would see the fact that the guy in the movie bought the girl a card, however, they don’t get that it was the message written in it and not the gift itself that won the girl. Result: You’ll probably see a guy buying you a valentine’s card for your birthday and when you ask? “Dear its valentine for us every day na!” Or worse… they buy a card with some banal or inappropriate message that reads like a stereotypical message. Worst case to date: If God could tell you how much I love you, then you would know how much I love you. Now tell me, how is a reasoning gal supposed to respond to that? Well we could always pretend the “love” has addled their brains, leaving them unable to communicate properly! But no, the African form of romance could be seen best portrayed in a Nollywood movie’s love scene. Here you see the hero feeding his beloved ice cream (be the weather sunny or not), taking the girl to dress shop and buying her a complete wardrobe ( with accessories of course), taking her to the pool and doing more kissing than swimming! You would notice however that in all these scenes there is little or no communication (apart from “I love you’s” and pet names like “honey boo” and “sweetheart” of course). And isn’t that what romance is all about? *In a drawn out sarcastic voice* If you missed the Sarcasm, NO that is not what romance is about. Those things could be romantic depending however on how, when and why they are done. You see romance or the art of courtship is an attempt to express what mere words cannot say, how you feel what the other person means to you. Most often one is romantic unintentionally, it’s not something you can copy. For of course we are all unique the ways we express ourselves too. As much as buying her a new wardrobe would get a girl to like you, it doesn’t necessarily say “I love you”, I simply say’s I have money to spend on you! And rather than spewing out I love you, I love You and I love you all the time, let your actions show it, Or try telling her why you think you love her… it would be easier to believe something is when you know why! This may seem one-sided, like I’m preaching only to the guys, but the fact is I am. Most women don’t have this problem. Not only do they communicate more (sometimes to the point of too much) most of us have been socialized to care more, while the way we express how we care for someone may differ we mostly set the tone for romance. The fact is I’m preaching to the African men in particular because our own case goes beyond “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus”. Perhaps it is because Western history has the tradition of men receiving dowry from their wives while Africa has that of men paying brideprice before getting their wives. Maybe that explains why the men across the equator have had more practice in romance/wooing the ladies, while the men here feel giving materially is as romantic as it gets? Just a theory! But whatever the reason may be there is a need for the African man to understand that being romantic is not a formula or a one act thing. It is not the number of sms you send to her phone but probably what is written in them. It is not merely taking her out and talking, but mostly what you talk about, It is not in the buying but what you buy, your gift shows just how much you know her…It is a reflection of how you feel. That is why true romance never dies, as long as you still appreciate, love and care for that person, such romantic gestures as breakfast in bed come naturally. But if the feeling is not there you can’t be Jack to her Rose or Romeo to her Juliet. But then maybe that is our problem? Maybe the real feelings are not there…
Another Kind of Love
Welcome back to my train of thought people… The year is officially old as we roll into the second month. February is known for a lot of things, Black History Month (U.S), LGBT History Month (UK), Abraham Lincoln Day (U.S), our own Youth Day (Southern Cameroon’s historical Plebiscite Day) on the 11th, the regular Mount Cameroon Race of Hope but most of all February is known as the month of love….and St.Valentine’s day. The month is mostly commercialized as the month of love- Eros, to be specific. But in tune with the Oscar Wilde quote which is paraphrased to go; Your first romance should be with yourself, I find myself musing on self love, the necessity of it and just how we can love ourselves more and better. It is no secret that ours is a society that leaves little room for contentment. We are always pushed to be better, smarter more beautiful, wittier, richer, more popular etc. It’s never enough to be just you! And in that competition with all the comparisons we fail to truly appreciate who and what we are without the “buts”. May it suffice to say this is not healthy, as much as we may want to be better we need to acknowledge that we are not “worse”. There are a plethora of reasons we ought to love ourselves. But let’s limit it to just one: Love yourself as best you can, as it will set the standard for any other love you may ever receive. When you put yourself first, appreciate yourself enough and treat yourself well, it’s near impossible for anyone else, not to follow suit! When you put yourself down, you give others the permission to do same, when you don’t treat yourself well, other have the excuse not to treat you well. So here are some tips on loving you and treating yourself… be your own Valentine, because you’re worth it! · Treat yourself like you treat an honored guest. How do you treat the guest you want to make an impression on? Let me guess; you clean the house from top to bottom before they arrive, would cook their favorite meal? Would literally cater to their needs and wants right? Well that should be you. You are important enough, actually of utmost importance and deserving to reserve the VIP treatment you reserve for those VIPs in your life. Give yourself compliments cook your favorite meals, buy yourself treats, organize an outing just for you. And don’t say “it’s just me” You are not “just” anything… It’s your life- put yourself in first place. · Don’t compare, COMPLIMENT! Everyone on this earth is unique. However this is the most forgettable fact of life when we compare so often. We wish we looked like A or spoke like B or sang like C or had D’s wardrobe etc! In loving yourself you have to bring to mind what you have that no one else does (and even if someone else does have it appreciate the fact that you do too). Once a day say something good about yourself to yourself. Rather than looking in the mirror everyday and saying “I wish I could change this or that”. Make affirmative statements of what you like most about yourself. Don’t get us wrong, We all could do with a bit of improvement, but the fact that you could improve does mean you are not great just the way you are. Appreciate and love that! Stop criticizing yourself for being less than perfect. Always do your best, but not reaching perfection is not failure. There are so many great things about us and in our lives we take for granted when we concentrate on only what is wrong with us. Count your blessings. Literally. Keep a gratitude journal where you write up all what you are grateful for about yourself, life or just your day. · Court yourself. You know how a guy courts a girl he’s after… well we can take a tip from them and date ourselves. Buy yourself just out of love. Not something you need not food to eat not daily necessities, A PRESENT! Something you wish someone else could have seen and bought out of love for you. Well love yourself enough to buy it for yourself! In fact buy yourself a Valentine gift! Self care is very important. Set up some time to be by yourself, just by yourself. Spend time on yourself, do something that gives you joy with yourself- go dancing, take a lazy afternoon, save some cash and make plans to travel. You can nurture yourself physically by exercising and consuming healthy food. You can nurture yourself emotionally by listening to good music, helping others in need, the feeling of being useful and beneficial is inexplicable. As you give yourself to others and offer help, you receive the gift of love back. You feel good about yourself because you live your life on purpose. · Seize The Day! #YOLO is a very popular handle and rightfully so, you doonly live once we fail to appreciate that. We know it but don’t really acquiesce to that knowledge. In loving yourself you need to appreciate each day! We don’t know just how many we may have or not. If you were to die tomorrow morning, what would you regret most? What could you do about it today? Make a list of everything in life that brings you joy; Singing, Dancing, touring, volunteering. Make a roster to do one of those things routinely. Plan joy into your day and happiness into your life. Make your life dreamy and lovable. · Cut Out The Negative People. One of my rules is this. I never let anyone tell me what I cannot tell myself. So if I say I can do something, no one has a right to tell me I cannot. “Misery loves company” as they say so for the love of yourself stay away from those who grumble more
The Problem With New Year Resolutions…
Everyone loves a fresh start. I for one am addicted to fresh starts. I need to start a new project on a Monday or the first day of a new month. A fresh start is like a clean plate which makes you forget that you had eaten before and want to put something new on it. A New Year likewise gives you hope that the last one was just a flux and this time around you’ll get it right something akin to playing the game machines in a casino. Well I’m not saying you should join me in my addiction, but I think you can get the point of me joining the 10,999 other people writing/blogging about resolutions at this period, not to talk of my joining the millions worldwide who MADE resolutions. But to aim for the different and the unique, let’s talk on the problem with resolutions…and how we can attempt to address them. Of course we all know it’s easier to pick up bad habits than to adopt good ones, but what are the specific reasons why research shows 88% of us fail to keep the resolutions we make at the start of the year? WE EXPECT TOO MUCH. It’s an old fact, so old Shakespeare wrote about it. “Expectations are the root of all disappointment” The more you expect the more disappointed you will get. Yes, it’s the New Year, and yes it’s a bland new page for you to be a new you… that does NOT mean you, who you are, what you like, and what you love changed when the clock stroke midnight! We expect too much of ourselves in the New Year as though we became different persons. Go ahead and hope all you want, but be realistic in what you expect. Don’t make resolve to be a completely different person from who you have been. To avoid making high expectations, look at what you have done before, and what you plan to do, how large a gap is there? Try to close that gap a bit; it’s all baby steps people. Start small and slowly but surely you’ll have achieved the goal. WE FAIL TO PLAN. *In sing-song voice* Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance. If you know this then why do you make a resolution and believe it will manifest itself in your life without a plan? While you can pick up smoking without planning to, you cannot even get into the habit of keeping in-touch with your own parents without a planned insertion of that activity in your daily routine. As such please cancel all those vague resolves to “Be healthier”, Visit friends more”, “Read more”, and “Travel somewhere I have never been”. You might never have been lost, but that’s where you will be with such vague resolutions!! We keep recycling the same list of resolutions every year because we never planned on how to achieve them. Whatever resolutions you make should come with a plan of action, a realistic one. If you have resolved not to eat later than 6pm for instance, how will you avoid it? Sleep earlier perhaps or will you be allowed to eat but not a meal? Just fruits or what? If you resolved to be “A better Christian” for instance, first outline your definition of a better Christian! Then what actions you will need to add to your routine to have reached your Christian-o-meter. OUR LISTS ARE TOO LONG! Ok we may have 365 days in the New Year (and you can see five have already gone!!!), But that doesn’t mean you can make 365 resolutions. First off, if your list of resolutions is too much you are looking at them all wrong! That is more of a to-do list than resolutions. Resolutions are goals you plan to achieve. They are defined and leave time for achievement. A resolution is not an activity you are just going to “tick off” immediately. You are going to use a year or more to achieve it. The thing about making it on New Year? You can trace back to when you made that decision and choice to improve on a certain part of life. It doesn’t mean that is when you achieved it! WE USUALLY RESOLVE BASED ON POPULAR OPINION. Most of our resolutions are not our own. We list things we think we should, not things we actually want to. And to that I say: The world is not as it should, it is the way it is. Be they way you want to be! If you want to make a resolution, make one, but don’t do so because it is expected that everyone should have a goal for that year. If you want to stop a supposedly bad habit, do so. But do it for yourself, because you WANT to not because others tell you to, or because you have been made to understand you should. When you have to go through the ups and downs of making a life change the fact that its what you really want for yourself will definitely come in handy! WE WANT TO BE PERFECT. When you see yourself writing a very long list of resolutions. STOP! Ask yourself. Are there that many things wrong with me?! If you are aiming for perfection fine, but leave room for failure because it’s a fact none of us can be perfect (Imagine how many self-help writers and therapist perfect people would be putting out of business!) Know yourself and what you think your best you will be (note I did not say, what your best attempt at perfection would be). When you know yourself you can love yourself, and work towards your best YOU. 6. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FAIL? Yes I said WHEN not if! You will slip up, unless you are a superior kind of human, we all do. But what happens when you miss out on that daily exercise you resolved to? Or that Saturday visit home?
Musings on Mandela
Mandela’s death has brought about so many recollections on his life, work and what he stood for. I don’t think anyone of my generation can attest to have been directly impacted by Madiba. But we were touched by him none the less, and those to come after us will continue to be touched, though time will surely mellow the hardship he went through and history will shade over some things in favor of others. One thing I know is this: The fact that there was Mandela, the fact that he lived what he believed in, worked, fought for Africa, loved his country and led like a God-given ruler, will remain an ever present hope. Like a photograph in an album from one of your best days that you keep to remind you, no matter how old, wrinkled or undesirable you may become, that you were once that beautiful…the fact that there was Mandela remains like that photograph a reminder, that no matter what ugliness we see in our continents leadership today and no matter the fact that nearly everyone is ready to sell out, there was once a leader And with that photographic memory, we have the present hope that it is possible for God to do what he did once before and send us another Mandela. We’ll be watching and waiting.
Coming Home
There is a long standing joke that about Cameroonians who leave the country dusting literally dusting their hands off it and till when they die, and of course as per demands they all want their corpses brought “home”. And the punch line of course goes: Is Cameroon a cemetery? This joke holds some truth, most Cameroonians ignore investing back home or give up too easily when they try and face obstacles and most of us are very willing to forget all about “home” till we die. But then there’s December… December is this jokes fallacy. Every time this year our bushfallers migrate like seasonal birds back home away from the cold winters of the west or where ever else that is included in the term Bush. The early birds have already come and by the 25thwherever you go you will hear the American accents formerly confined to your cable on tv. A lot can be and has been said on the periodic in coming of bushfallers; how they act, treat the people they left back in pays like they are somehow less-than, and of course how the men come in have flings and make promises they never intend to keep etc. Yet little mention is given to the way those in the country react to them. So here it is: I don’t think the bushfallers are the problem but rather the people who they return home to; people who treat them with more respect, accord them more favors and expect more from them just because they have crossed the borders. What does it say of ourselves, that the things we would never accept from our own like curse words in speech, the demands for meals “just so”, the abnormally late nights, the inconveniences on our schedule are suddenly “cool” and okay for the two to three weeks when they are done by bushfallers? Then there are the young women who give their all in hope that they way win a bushfallers heart and of course his foreign citizenship… Because of their foreign accents I’ve seen children get away with being rude, abusive and watched the “children of home” who would wake up at 5 am everyday be discriminated upon eating in the kitchen while the bushfallers sat at the dining table. Some would argue that these bushfallers sustain most back at home with the monthly cash sent through money transfer agencies, yet where does the gratitude end and the brown-nosing begin?
The Things We Allow
Have you ever heard the saying “The minute you settle for less that you deserve, you get less than you settled for?” Well I’ve been thinking about this idiom of recent. I walked into a shop I frequent the other day. The owner is a friendly flirt. You come in and Mbah (let’s just give him that name) will call you his baby, his sweetheart. If you get close enough he’ll try to pinch your butt, steal a kiss, or hug you pressing your breasts against his chest. It was his way; he does it with almost all the young female customers. And we allow it because the mostly young ladies he does this with know that by batting their eye lashes and overlooking these liberties taken despite the presence of the family portrait of his lovely wife and two kids hanging behind the counter, Mbah would reduce the prices of whatever we want to buy or just let us take it for free even. It is a wonder the shop is still open. On this particular day I give him my things and he catches my hand kisses the inside and says I have “thrown him” (I always wonder how one can “throw” what they never held in the first place) but I just smile ignorantly while he goes on calculating my stuff and winking suggestively at me. I notice he gives me a lower price on the goods than he did a male customer before me and I smile and go ahead. I had come into the shop with a younger friend, a “small” and as soon as we step out she exclaims “Men are not ashamed oh! That one does not sell oh, he is just here to flirt, as you were selecting things he was chatting another girl and then you will come and he will kiss your hand!” She sighed loud and long and I had to laugh at her attempt at reporting Mbah to me as though I would take offence. None of those girls Mbah flirted with took him seriously they just allowed him his nonsense so they go their lower prices, and so they didn’t seems like “spoilsports”, taking things too seriously or misunderstanding that what he was really doing was “complimenting” them. And to think of it Mbah didn’t take them seriously as well, hell the man probably didn’t take himself seriously. It was all a game for him. But, that aside my friend had me thinking. I realized we should take offence. Of course what Mabh does, borders on sexual harassment, but because we allow it and accept it knowing that it has its benefits (lower prices) and knowing too, that if we take him to task over it we will come out looking like we are making a much ado about nothing, none of us bother. And I thought of how and why we allow other things, like the boys who pushed their wares on you at the market gates, and reached for your hand as you passed calling you names if you shook them off. Or what about the number of times we Anglophone Cameroonians allow Francophones to belittle us even in our own regions speaking to us and expecting replies (in our state offices) in a language other than our own. I thought of the many things we allow, and how one thing led to another and how allowing was very much like settling yielding less and less, with everything we let slide. I thought of how we allow the little things, like paying 500frs to the police on the roadside, but we want the ministers embezzling in high offices to be sacked… And we allow what is traditional “cultural” to rule unquestioned despite the ills of FGM breast ironing etc. but we would control modern culture with decrees on decent dressing. We see nothing wrong when rules are bent, and laws not obeyed when the someone bribes to have a drivers license made, after all everyone does it, this is Cameroon! But then we are all aghast when a few months later a deadly accident occurs, we do not trace what we allow to what happens every day. Most times we are just like the young ladies who would enter Mbah’s shop will allow his flirtation and teasing gropes then complain that “Men are dogs”… Well of course they are for a long time we have allowed them to be.