Monique Kwachou

These days feminism is a buzzword. On one hand, nearly everyone has some dastardly opinions on feminists even if they can’t clearly define what feminism is. On the other hand, every other product, event or even phrasing is marketed as if it were “women empowering” or “feminist”. For those who know what feminism is, the whole thing is pretty annoying. I’ve written about the former problem- the misconceptions around what feminism is- and that is why I’m no longer correcting people when they say nonsense like “I’m not for feminist, I’m more of an equalist”. But I have never before addressed the latter problem; the over-marketing of the wrong things as “feminist” and the way that ruins the work of the movement. So today I want to focus on that. I’ll be presenting some five common phrases/notions/happenings that are marketed as feminist but are NOT. 1. GirlDad You’ve probably seen #GirlDad here or there under some new dad’s post. The hashtag has been pushed as an impactful statement; the men using it are articulating their pride in being a father to a daughter in a world where daughters have not been valued as much as sons are. #GirlDad has also been used to articulate the belief that being a father to a daughter is a different experience; you often hear men saying “having a daughter helped me appreciate/respect women”. In so doing men reveal how they become more sensitive to the inequalities and dangers faced by the female gender when they have a daughter. So what is wrong with this supposedly impactful statement, and why is it a clear example of something which has been wrongly branded as feminist? Simple answer: it is being used in the wrong way. While the initial motive of the hashtag #GirldDad (promoting pride in having daughters) is laudable, the hashtag has unfortunately been used to reinforce stereotypes that some things are “girl things” and others are “boy things” (same problem with the #BoyMom hashtag) and this is anything but feminist. Being a girl dad on social media has been presented as being a father who is overprotective “because he has daughters to guard” (interestingly from members of his own gender), a father who does stereotypically girly things, and a father who is suddenly more sensitive to the inequalities and dangers faced by the female gender because he has a daughter. There is a fine line between emphasizing the equal value of daughters and making one gender more ‘special’ than the other and the #GirlDad hashtag often crosses it.  Also, one should not need to have a daughter to recognize the equal value of girls and women to boys and men, so parading that is anything but feminist. Perhaps the most annoying thing about the hashtag is how capitalism has used it to now market stereotypically “girly” things to men “don’t you want to be a girl dad, buy this unicorn hat and prove it”. 2. “Split the costs 50/50, match his game” Contrary to popular belief, splitting the bill 50/50 is NOT FEMINIST. Hear me out, I know some anti-feminists will be vexed by this one. Feminism is used to refer to the belief (and the movement which acts on that belief) that men and women should have equal rights, opportunities, responsibilities and fair treatment. Read that again and see the word SHOULD. This- gender equality- is what we believe and advocate SHOULD be. Gender equality is the desired state where the “rights, responsibilities and opportunities of individuals will not depend on whether they are born male or female” (Warth and Koparanova, 2012). That is the desired state, the state we’re advocating for; it is the goal but it is not the current reality, NOT YET. We are still in a state of prevalent gender inequalities. Now, Gender equity refers to the efforts being made to reverse gender inequalities and ensure fairness between men and women so that the desired state of gender equality will one day be realized. We practice gender equity because we recognize that social norms and power structures have historically (and continue to) impact the lives and opportunities available to men and women differently and ensure imbalance and inequalities. We practice gender equity by enforcing measures to compensate for the historical disadvantages one gender has faced (and continues to face) to create a more levelled playing field. In sum, equity leads to equality. Without equity, there cannot be equality. Hence, until things are equitable, until the situation where men and women both have equal rights, access to work, same pay, same responsibilities as parents, same expectations of them in our society etc. we can’t be doing anything 50/50/ UNTIL THEN, there can be NO EQUALITY. To ask someone who is earning less, and being demanded more to split 50/50 is NOT FEMINIST. What that means, is you are asking them to act as if they were in the desired state when they are not. This issue is regularly used to gaslight feminists with statements like “don’t you people want equality?” Unfortunately, there are too many who trip on their tongues when faced with this question because their understanding of feminism and feminist thought is shallow. The feminist goal is fairness; so if women expect to receive more financial support from men in a society that historically and continuously favours men with higher pay, better work opportunities, and less domestic responsibility, then that expectation is not unfair, it is their way of being “compensated” for the “traditional” role they are forced to play (and that compensation is not enough, to be honest). This ‘compensation’ may look like bias against men/for women to those who are less aware of their privilege. To that, I say: educate yourself. 3. “A Beauty with brains” First of all, I forgive myself for once believing this was a compliment and smiling at being described as such. Most who use the “beauty with brains” phrase as a compliment have something alike to those who used #girldad;