Christian Journey - Espace Monique Kwachou

Ask Yourself: What am I supposed to Be Learning Now?

August 17, 2018 No Comments

The past few weeks have been a struggle with regards to my faith. I’m not where I want to be, there’s no guarantee of me getting where I want to be. It’s something God either blesses me with or not. I can’t earn it. Can’t ‘deserve’ it. Can only pray and hope I’m granted this particular desire. And as this runs around in my mind, the fact that this thing I desire so much is not guaranteed no matter what I do, I feel desolate in waiting. In this state, I didn’t – still don’t- feel like writing an ‘About My Faith’ entry for this month but have to continue for the sake of commitment. So as I considered what I was going to write on I thought of a statement a friend had made when we discussed my not-so-patient wait for the desires I can’t ‘work’ for. She said “try to determine what God wants you to learn in this period. Don’t let your mind be clouded by your frustration over waiting. Learn in the wait.” Now, this is one of those lessons you know to be true facts BUT not something you want to hear at a time when you’re fine being pitiful and bemoaning your fate. Nevertheless, the statement had stayed with me and came to me as I considered the About My Faith post for this month. Particularly because it reminded me of a blog post I published on the Anglophone Crisis in Cameroon in February of 2017 entitled “What’s Happening in Cameroon? Learning I Hope”. Like Cameroon, in going through a crisis, I hope we are all learning. It is hoped that we take away something. It is my prayer that the struggle, the wait, and stress eventually make sense. For now, I’m engaging myself in asking what I have learned in the last year that I hadn’t known before. I ask myself, in what ways have I GROWN in this wait. I have found that it’s a way to cheer myself up; a way to feel better about the situation I can’t help and trust that God does indeed know what he’s doing. So join me this month as I make a list of lessons I am learning. Note, you must not have learned the lessons in all yet. It’s enough to recognize that it’s something you have been taught and are in the process of learning. Appreciate the little growth. May Grace continue to carry us on the journey.

How a Reading Challenge Led to a Lifestyle Change…

July 22, 2018 No Comments

Somethings we know, but don’t know. You know? Like we all know we could do more if we spend the first hour of our day effectively. But we STILL roll-over and check our phone for notifications first thing in the morning. Knowledge doesn’t always render one better action. And as I’m known to say, knowing your problem is the first step, but still, it’s only one of many, many more. Yeah, not such a motivational statement so perhaps you shouldn’t quote me. Well, one of those lessons we all know is the point of this piece… We all know consistency and perseverance yields fruits. There’s not a single motivational speaker, preacher, teacher and parent who hasn’t hammered “just keep going” into their speech, book, sermon- you name it. And still, this knowledge floats like a lily-pod on the rivers of our thoughts. Just there, acknowledged but not really seen, nor wholeheartedly believed for the fact that it is. After all, is it is to ‘just keep going’ and find out if that works? Not so recently I took up a challenge that made me really LEARN this lesson and it led to several impressive lifestyle changes which have so far impacted my health, Christian journey and general outlook on life. In 2015 I was fortunate to be one of 25 young African women to be awarded a MILEAD fellowship. This marked my entry into an international sisterhood I appreciate more and more each year. Your network is indeed your net worth people. Well, late in 2017, an opportunity was shared for members of this network. It was a 25 week reading challenge called the KK Reading Prize. Those interested in joining were called upon to register; we would need to read a suitable book a week for 25 weeks, write short book reports stating the gist, how it impacted us personally and professionally, what we liked and disliked and a quote which stood out. For our efforts, we stood a chance to win 1000USD. I swear I read that email twice and responded with interest faster than I’ve replied to messages from a crush. If you know me, you know I like reading. Love books! Advocate for reading and consider gifts of books as equal to gifts of money. So, an opportunity to get paid for reading obviously sounded like God saying, here you go, have a gift. Well, not quite. The contest was to officially begin with our submitting our first book reports on Monday the 3rd of October 2017. Unfortunately, I found myself facing the unexpected problem of internet shutdown as the Anglophone crisis peaked on the 1st of October 2017 with declarations of ‘independence’. I sent SMS to other MILEAD fellows and explained my situation. I eventually sent in that first submission as soon as I could travel to Douala in the neighboring region (Internet Cameroon). That internet ban was shorter, we received access within a week. I should have been on track after that, submitting my reports regularly. Life soon proved that it wasn’t that simple. I found that even with something you love doing, you need to program it in. I found that few good things happen by chance and I learned a lot about myself over the 25 weeks of the reading challenge. First off, as per the contest rules, we were to read ’empowering books for professional and personal development’. This forced me out of my ‘comfort zone’ of pop and literary fiction. I struggled slightly but eventually found adequate books. Still, reading them and writing on them took a lot more effort than I had envisaged. I came to the realization that though I could read pop-fiction on the road, or anywhere for that matter, this wasn’t the case for heavier literature. Reading for me has always been about escape. I needed books and used them to get away from reality. With the literature prescribed by the contest, however, this was not possible. I had to confront myself through the literature. Confront myself and see that I was my own stumbling block, my own greatest problem. While reading the likes of I am Malala and The Diary of Anne Frank was inspiring it also made me feel like a failure and shamed me for what were current complaints. So during the challenge I always found myself reading two books, I would have my favorite Nora Roberts’ or Lauri Kubuitsile book on my bedside cupboard and the ‘required’ suitable book for the challenge would sit on my work-table. Because that was ‘work’. I struggled to finish the self-help and suitable books most weeks- even though I’d read Harry Potter (book seven) in less than 10 hours. The experience showed me how dire my escapist tendency was. This wasn’t about just a contest any longer, was I escaping, what else was it affecting aside from a challenge? Upon reflection? A great deal. I noticed how I escape reading certain books in the Bible altogether, How meditating for long is difficult for me. It forces me to think on issues I’d rather avoid so a brief prayer and song should do. I noticed how in escaping the pain my diary entries were sporadic, I would have to write later, struggling to find words to express feelings which we now stale for being shut away till I forced myself to open the box I’d locked them in. That is the greatest difficulties I face in writing. Over those weeks I faced another challenge, time management. Like most people, I’m a horrible procrastinator. Still, I’ve been praised for my discipline and goal-mindedness so often I believed the voices of others rather than taking an honest look at myself. I mean, yes as compared to several friends, I have more discipline. But then compared with others I know, I’m undisciplined and do bare-minimum at last-minute. Like Cameroon choosing to belong to CEMAC rather than ECOWAS, I had been placing myself in the group where I looked better off. When those easily impressed people said remarked on my ‘great discipline’ I should have

Be THAT Christian Friend

June 26, 2018 2 Comments

I’ve observed that the Christian journey is too often a lonely one. Despite the fact that the Bible prioritizes fellowship. Today we’ve limited fellowship to church services, choir meetings and if we’re particularly fastidious we are members of Bible study. I do not mean to suggest any of these are the ‘wrong’ way of fellowship. But these are far from enough. Very far. These groups have activities which are scheduled. You come in, sing songs, pray, listen to a sermon, talk about contributions for this or that and leave till next week. There’s very little change, week after week. Very little digging below the surface. And unless the topic of the sermon or bible study resonates with what one member is going through at the time, they may not have the opportunity to raise their problem for joint contemplation. It’s just the way it is, irrespective of the church, meetings have schedules and when there are more than three people involved it is difficult enough to fit conversations within a schedule and have members bond to the level of sharing personal trials. This is where friends come in. We need friends. And while I encourage have both Christian and non-Christian friends, I am focusing on Christian friends for this post. So, I’ll repeat that we need Christian friends. Friends who will understand the call you have been given, what you believe in, why you aspire after what you do, why certain things may matter so much and other things matter so less. Friends to turn to for accountability, for support when things just don’t make sense, to share corny Christian jokes with, to have debates on issues of faith with, and who would say a prayer when you are too tired and resigned to pray for yourself. We need Christian friends. In my opinion, we need them more than we need the plethora of church activities (although that may be a great place to find one). See a true friend knows you, a great deal about you and still loves you. A true friend will tell you what you NEED to hear even if you do not WANT to hear it. A true friend would empathize, check on you, ask you about that assignment you were struggling with even when you thought they had forgotten. With a true friend, you can be comfortable to be your true self, say it like it is, bare your soul, dreams, fears and all. A true friend is a confidant, something your pastor or priest could never be no matter the number of confessions you do. A true Christian friend goes a step further; they will pray for you, pray with you, find the right verse or resource in hope it will speak to you or further encourage you, question you, question with you, traverse the Christian journey with you, grow with you, and they will accept you- flaws and all, trainee Christian that you are. Indeed, we all need a Christian friend. But, I’ve observed it is very rare to find one. Oh, Christians have tons of friends, but the person I’ve described above? A rarity. To have such a friend is to be willing to be vulnerable, to reveal that we are very flawed, something we can do to God in our silent prayers, but are unwilling to divulge to another human being. To have such a friend also means succeeding to find someone who is willing to be vulnerable with you. Someone who is willing to love and put as much effort in the job/relationship of being your Christian friend as they are with their other relationships and life purposes. To have such a friend means having found someone you can confide in with no condemnation, who you can discuss ALL of you with, who allows you to be yourself even while challenging you to be your best. I believe our best fellowship happens with friends like these. I also believe a lot of us are failing at our individual journeys, struggling under the weight of it all alone because we have heard too often “that salvation is personal’ and lack such friendships. This should not be so,. With this post, I urge you to check on your Christian friends and invest in a strong Christian friendship today. If you can’t find one, please be one. Be the kind of friend someone could share their heart with, be the friend who will care enough to check on another, to ask questions below the surface, to allow and encourage others to be themselves, to create a nonjudgmental space, and to be vulnerable. Be THAT kind of Christian friend. The Christian journey is tough and too often lonely, fill a vacancy.

April 2018’s Missing Post I: Christian Journey Supplements

May 10, 2018 2 Comments

When I think of April, I think of World Book and Copyright Day on the 23rd… and birthdays of a few unforgettable friends. Both of these aspects of April; the international day commemorating one of my favorite resources- books- and the support offered by the friends which render them unforgettable inspired the blog for this month. I decided to make a list of top five resources- aside from the Bible, of course, lol- which have contributed to my growth as a Christian. Consider this a list of my most used Christian Journey Supplements. I hope someone gains something from my list, and I look forward to reading what additional material my readers use in the comment section! Here we go: #5- My Phone Apps! Okay, let’s get the most used resources out of the way first eh? Anyone who knows me personally knows my phone is rarely far from my reach. But while I can agree to be a bit addicted (yes, I said just a bit), I can’t completely curse this problem because my phone has apps which help as much as they distract. The first Christian app I download with any new device is the Bible App- Youversion which goes beyond being a bible because it offers a vast variety of rich devotionals. I particularly love how they literally award you with badges and ‘points’ for how regularly you check in and how often you complete a reading plan/devotional. Also a big plus, being able to share with friends and go through a bible study/meditation with a loved one far away. My phone app list equally includes well-known devotional apps like the Our Daily Bread, Daily Hope and so on. Recently, I discovered yet another gem of an app, the Prayer App, which helps one list down all the things and people for which they want to pray for. Not only does this app assist in guiding your prayers and ensuring you don’t forget something you planned to meditate on, but you can also set reminders and have an alarm notify you of your quiet time. You may think “I don’t need an app to remind me to pray” and you’re right, you likely don’t. But how often do you pledge to pray for something/someone and forget because it doesn’t concern you directly, or how often do you tell someone “I’ll help you pray” and then their problem slips from your mind because well, you were just “being nice”? Well, this app is there to remind you, help you keep those pledges and ensure your prayers are intentional and well directed. You conveniently classify your prayer topics- Family members, friends, Personal flaws and issues you need to work on, your country, etc. I can honestly say this app has helped me keep the commission to pray for others more faithfully. And ooh! When a prayer is answered, you get to archive and see how far you’ve come in your archives! Finally, Pinterest may not be considered a Christian App, but since an older friend of mine dragged me down that rabbit hole, I’ve found loads of inspirational messages and prayer memes to pin and encourage me on down days. Just create a board and try not to get addicted LOL! #4- Christian Blogs and Study Bible Aids Though I have only recently become acquainted with Christian blogs like Desiring God, I have, however, grown to appreciate a lot of their content. The friend who introduced me to this blog likewise listed online study bible aids as a supplement for her journey and I must agree! These days we can never be too safe with cross-checking the interpretations of the gospel we are being given. Check out a top list of Bible study software here. #3 Gratitude Journal I started keeping a gratitude journal after a severe bout of depression in 2013. As a supplement to Christian practice, journaling, in general, is very encouraged. Be it journaling your experiences and lessons learned in a diary or keeping a prayer book, or as in my case- a gratitude journal. Either way, keeping track of what there is to be grateful has helped me keep some reason on the worst of days and helped grow faith as it provides evidence of things already done when it feels like I’m asking for the impossible with my prayers. #2 Youtube Sermons The year I traveled out of the country for my master’s studies marked the first time in my adult Christian journey that I would be away from home and away from the church family I belong(ed) to. After visiting two churches I did vibe with I decided to find an alternative. Coincidentally a friend of mine shared THIS sermon by Priscilla Shirer with me on Facebook and I loved it. Thus began my using YouTube as a church supplement. I literally planned my “church service” and invited friends who were in other countries to stream with me so we would watch and discuss the sermon together. We had praise break too 🙂 A gospel playlist of our favorite gospel songs open in another tab. While being away from home may have begun this practice, it has stayed with me. When for some reason I have to miss church, I assuage my guilt with organizing my own online service. Truth is, given my hearing impairment I, unfortunately, find myself in church most Sundays for simply the fellowship as I don’t always hear the word, so Youtube sermons have become a staple, especially when you find the right channel, the right preacher that really challenges you to study the word. Personally, my go-to sermons are those by Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church and Priscilla Shirer. Friends of mine have enjoyed sermons by Tony Evans (Priscilla Shirer’s father), Tim Keller, and John Piper who’s the brain behind Desiring God. However aside from just sermons, some channels on Youtube offer shows with like The Conversation or Christian spoken word poetry in general on P4CM which both entertains and inspires

On Finding A New Church

March 23, 2018 No Comments

Hey there! Welcome back to my faith-journey tracking page. This month’s blog post was inspired by the recent self-evaluation I had as I sought a new church away from home. Recently, I moved to a new country for my studies and one of the first things I had to do was find out where I’d worship. As I considered one church versus the other, I found that this was a learning experience as to my needs as a Christian and my perceptions of what worship services should be for me. As I did an assessment of the options presented to me, I found that I looked for some four main features in a church. 1. I can’t even pretend and claim I went far and wide to look for the most “spiritual place”. I’m practical. So, of course, I first considered churches depending on who recommended it and how. Especially if it’s a church I’ve never heard of before. In that instance, the best advert a church can have is its members. Now I’m not saying you should judge the whole congregation by one or two members. But, it remains that when it comes to a church you know nothing about, what determines if you cross the threshold into that place of worship or not is the member who invites you and what impression they give you of their church. Once you get in you can make a decision for yourself, but you wouldn’t even enter without them doing something right. Even if that something is just piquing your curiosity. Other pragmatic factors include “how far is it?” Would I be able to attend regularly? How large? Will I get lost in the crowd or can I actually fellowship? How is the service program set up? Is it comprehensive for me? That is will the program have me feeling like we covered all bases in terms of fellowship or is the program sketchy, something I could have done at home on my own? 2- Next, I looked for if the Church had some guidelines, a charter, a welcome pack that explains to visitors how it was established? Who it is accountable to? On what foundations are the ministry is founded etc. If they don’t have this, I would research the establishment and pastor myself. Afterall, if you do background checks on someone babysitting your kid, why not research the person you are about to give yourself over to for spiritual guidance? 3- Perhaps most importantly, I looked at the messages the church chooses to focus on. If the sermons are usually inclined to the benefits fo belonging to God as opposed to the requirements of those who seek to be called his own and how we can grow more like his son then I become wary. I also look at how the message is passed? Do I learn new scripture, do I come away feeling like my knowledge of the Word grew? Or do you feel like I could have stayed at home and read a self-help book? 4- I likewise looked at how does the church is structured. You’d be surprised what the seating layout at a church would reveal. Look around and take note, do people from all walks of life mix? Aside from the possible areas reserved for the choir, are there seemingly no-go areas? Is there some sort of position of prestige for those supposed more spiritual, better off economically? Speaking of which, do you note where the children are? Are they given a chance to mix, a part of the service? How does the church share the word to the children? And if (like me) you’re in a society with some social divide; class, linguistic, racial etc. does the church address social justice issues? If the church doesn’t then that would be problematic for me. After all, we aren’t existing in a vacuum 5- Finally, as I assessed churches I forced myself to remember that the church is a hospital for the spiritually sick and I shouldn’t expect it to be perfect. No one here is perfect, and as an institution made up of flawed people, the establishment will have its flaws. It should matter more that these flaws are recognized and hopefully openly addressed to be worked on as one body in Christ. So what do you look for in a church? What attracts you to a new fellowship or turns you away? What are you deal breakers? (Consistent prosperity preaching and blatant sexism are my dealbreakers by the way) Drop a comment below and let me know what you think!

Loving your Non-Christian Friend

February 28, 2018 No Comments

Capitalism has branded February the month of love, and for the past few years, I’ve played along with my musings being love-themed every February. This month, for example, I shared flash fiction I worked on for Brittle Papers’ Valentine’s Day anthology last year. Now that my Christian Musings page means blogging twice a month, I considered what love themed post to make from my Christian experience. There’s so much that faith helps us learn in love and love helps us become through faith. At its core, the gospel is essentially a dramatic love story… so it was hard picking just one thing to focus on. But I succeeded because one of the biggest lessons I feel needs to be learned by Christians is the lesson on loving your non-Christian friend. For a religion which was founded by a man known for breaking convention and loving heretics, rebels and the disliked… Christianity (or rather we Christians) fails woefully to meet that example. We seem to believe we must love those who think like us, look like us, believe as we do. And we often mistake love (philia which we are called to feel for every living thing) with like. As a result, most Christians dish out a fake kind of acceptance of those they deem not of the “yolk”. We often speak of religious tolerance, asking that people of one religion tolerate the other… as though the other person was a bad aftertaste to prescribed medication. You can love someone, as a creation of God you believe in without necessarily liking them. Love them- accepting and celebrating them for who they are, how God made them different from you. You need not be like them, nor agree with them, but you can always respect them. And that respect breeds love because it ascertains you’ll treat the other person with a due amount of consideration. And isn’t that all we need? Some consideration? I think it is. Empathy goes a long way and should be actively cultivated. My friend list spans a wide girth; atheist, agnostics, friends of different religions or different Christian denominations with contrasting doctrine etc. They are all my friends, they all have something about them I truly love and admire, they all better me in some way (even if that way is testing my patience LOL!). We are not “unequally yolked” so much as complementary. They don’t have to be equally yolked with me, they are not Christians, and I respect that. My job is to be the example of what a Christian is for them to see. And that’s it. So how do you love your Non-Christian friend? Love them by respecting them and their wishes, including the wish to not be preached to- there are other ways… Love them by listening to them, including listening to the issues they have with your faith. Believe it or not, addressing those issues will help you strengthen your own convictions. Answering hard questions always enables you to know better about yourself and what you believe. Love your non-christian friend enough to tell them if you feel they are doing what is wrong, but equally, love them as God did and let them have their free will. Love your non-christian friend enough to find out about why they believe what they do or do not believe at all. We are who we are because of our lived experiences. If you believe in a divine being you know we are not the authors and finishers of our lives, so why not find out the back story before you conclude their lack of faith is wrong. Above all, love your Non-Christian friend by being a true disciple of Christ. The one we have been called to emulate would have no problem loving anyone. Be like Jesus.

Pssss….I hope you know I’m a Christian

April 27, 2017 No Comments

I’ve been downcast since Sunday. What started as self-disappointment over my inability to capture what I need to say properly in writing has evolved into a wave of misery over things I have yet to achieve, yet to overcome, or may not even be able to change. These thoughts sent me to my vault of spoken word videos, where I go watch what really inspired people produce (and further my miserable mood -of course) as well as renew my faith in myself by listening to the gospel in my favorite form- poetry. I replayed some of my favorite spoken word performances: “Does anybody know you’re a Christian” by Karness and “Almost (Saved)” by Ezekiel Azonwu among others.As I envied their words, rhythm, and confidence in performing. I thought of my faith and how most times it’s all that keeps me going.Although I have a plethora of friends who do not share my faith (or any for that matter), who’s reasons and stance I can appreciate. I still can’t consider not believing. Not having this confidence that Someone greater than us all has this thing in the palm of their hands and knows what is meant to be… that’s just frightful. The idea that we’re all just existing is dystopian for me. It may seem naive, but it is the belief in a greater purpose, God- a merciful sacrificing everloving one- which makes this endless hustle that is the life worth it on most days. Still, I understand why a lot of people don’t believe. I particularly empathize with those who don’t believe in Christianity because they have experienced hypocrisy (among many other failings) in the church. Or because people have tried to shame/insult them into converting, or worse experiences… For a long time, I felt the best way to evangelize is to live a life true to the faith for others to see and choose if they would join you or not. This would mean people should recognize you as a Christian without you actually saying you are. ‘By your works, they should know you’ and all that It occurs to me that, I may just have been evading verbal evangelism. Evading it because those who talk about Christ are held to higher moral standards, because I’m still negotiating my faith and have a lot of questions and criticisms myself and above all, because I have seen too many ‘evangelists’ do it wrong and drive people of other faiths (or not faith) away. However, I recently decided to commit to sharing my faith in more than deeds. Still deciding how best to go about it, but I feel if more rational, open-minded, proactive, tolerant, feminist members of the church spoke up, the fanatics wouldn’t misrepresent us… Perhaps by sharing the Word in the way I have experienced it, I may be standing the gap for another, helping someone answer questions I too had to answer at some time. After all, it may be better for someone to be recognized as a Christian through their deeds.But there’s no harm in hearing them say it either… P.SI hope you know I’m a Christian, or rather working on it ????As my Angelou said: “It’s an ongoing process. You know, you keep trying. And blowing it and trying and blowing it …”