What if I told you, there’s a way to guarantee you have a successful 2022? Well, I can; because a successful year all depends on how you define success. Here’s a definition I recommend.
Unlearning Episode 2: Unlearning Superwoman ideals, Suffering mentality and Normalizing luxury
This past Friday, my Ph.D. was officially conferred. I am officially Dr. Monique Kwachou. A holder of a doctor of philosophy in development studies with a specialization in feminist studies and education. I’m not at the apex of my career, but with this terminal degree I’m assumed to have achieved a great deal, assumed to have ‘succeeded’. I’m here to tell you that such assumptions are faulty at best and outright lies on several days a month. Not because I am ambitious and want more, but because the definition of a successful woman in our society makes it impossible for that to be achieved merely by education or professional achievement. My doctoral research focused on the fear of overeducated women in our society, women assumed to be empowered and portrayed as being ‘too much’ within our patriarchal contexts. I asked of the women I interviewed: how empowered are you really? How much power did their higher education afford them in the face of the gender inequalities all women experience? In sum, the answer is not that much. Why? Well there are many reasons (read the book when it’s out), but the one that is relevant to this post is this: Our educational/professional achievement is not enough to undo collective conditioning. Like Eminem and Rihanna sang: we have made friends with the ‘monster’ inside of our heads- the monster being internalized sexism apparent in notions that our value as women lies in what we can endure, or that we must be superwomen to be deserving of fair treatment/appreciation. So many of us women are ‘friends’ with such notions serve to oppress us and it is hard to fight the lie you have been raised to believe as truth… Last year a friend and I discussed a tweet that raised the issue of African women being tested based on their ability to endure. I cannot find the tweet, but in it, a guy suggested ‘testing’ women with a very small amount of money or by inviting them over to a dirty apartment to see if they would be able to do much with little/take the initiative to clean up after him and therefore display their ‘marriageability’. Well, that tweet gained traction and thankfully a lot more men and women are recognizing how idiotic such a ‘test’ is. Still, the idiotic notion behind that tweet isn’t always as obvious and it remains deeply imbibed in my (and many other women) subconscious that we must do the most/do it all is a sign of being a good/worthy woman. Worthy of what? Worthy of equality, worthy of love, worthy of being chosen. When I was 16 and suggested my cousin and I be registered at British Council for the holidays to go spend time reading there during our long vacation. I was told that it would be better for us to go be apprentices at a salon to learn how to braid because as future mothers we should know how to do our daughter’s hair without needing someone else. When I got into the university, an older friend mocked my desire for wanting to buy a blender because an African woman should know how to use the grinding stone. And don’t get me started on how I often baked cakes and gifted people but hid the fact that I had baked the cakes using cake mix rather than from scratch… because we are in a society that looks down on gifts/love if you didn’t suffer for it. We are in a society that belittles women who have C-sections saying “is that even real labor”. Don’t get me wrong, knowing how braid, use the grinding stone, bake from scratch…none of these things are wrong. Honestly, I appreciate being able to use a grinding stone because our power company is so useless- but I wish we called it what it was: a necessity brought about by our collective poverty and underdevelopment as a nation rather than make it look like some talent that should add points to womanhood. Knowing how to braid hair is a great skill, but that too should not be expected of me if it is something I can afford to delegate. Yet, women are expected to know how to do it all, to bake and ice the cake, to cook all the traditional dishes, to be able to be a home tutor to the kids, do the laundry till it shines, the worship leader in the home… oh and be a veritable seductress in the bedroom. These expectations are not laid out directly, they are built over time. We don’t even realize we have imbibed them. Socialization is a sneaky thing, we build our value system based on what reactions we get from the least things. For instance, upon returning home with my master’s degree I offered to prepare the pounded yams at my uncle’s home where I was visiting- he comes in and sees me doing this and puts on an exaggerated show of relief saying I’ve restored his faith in me, that he had feared I was a lost case because I was furthering my studies, but given that I could make pounded yam I was obviously still an ‘African woman’… I scoffed at him then, but it stayed with me, that to too many people I would be ultimately valued based on whether I fit what they perceived a good woman is. Not on my own values. So it just comes to you one day that you feel shame/inadequate/like you’re failing for not being able to do something. The voice in your head, the product of years of conditioning shames you for not having cooked pepper-soup to visit an uncle or for paying someone to fix the njama-njama at the market. One day, you wonder “why do I feel this odd shame at not knowing how to make Achu soup? It’s not even something I would like to eat on the regular”? Or perhaps you will realize just how
Vlog: What I Would Like to Share from My Fitness Journey
Hello there!I hope the year is going good so far. This month I haven’t been musing about much other than the deadlines I need to meet! So I asked for suggestions from friends on what to blog about. Several suggested that I blog about my fitness journey. I have written a bit about how my decision to work on getting healthier has been wrongly perceived before (see HERE), so I was (and still am) reluctant to go into details. But, a recent realization of the toll self-improvement has on our mental health made me consider tackling the suggested topic from a different perspective. I felt the need to talk directly rather than write what needs to be said out. So I hope you enjoy this month’s vlog and do leave a comment. Let’s discuss this!
What Would you tell Your Younger Self?
We’re at the end of 2019 and I, like many others, will be doing the typical end of the year (or in this case, end of a decade) reflection. One of the most common questions people are asked for self-reflection is this: What advice would you give your younger self? Or a variation of what is basically the same question “What do you wish you knew at age 20?” Recently, I’ve considered this question and found it to reek of regret and our lust for perfectionism. Now, I’m not saying wanting to undo certain mistakes made is a bad thing, but it is something I feel we should consider more lest we fail to learn from what we wish to undo. We are constantly growing, changing based on exposure, experiences, hormones and social climes. So it is presumptuous to think what we currently feel we should have known at that time is what we actually needed to know. We are also presumptuous to believe our younger selves would listen to any advice we would give. I could back in time and tell my younger self: believe you can do this because you will make it. But my younger self would not be ready to hear it. Until I would have had certain experiences, I wouldn’t see how I could make it nor why I would need to try. I would need to grow to a point where I can appreciate that knowledge. And that growth would happen via making mistakes. The desire to go back in time to change what we consider mistakes is symptomatic with thinking we should not have failed at all, whereas failure is so very often a part of the process. Please note: I’m in no way trying to suggest that “all pain was worth it because it made us stronger”. I truly dislike that school of thought because it too often justifies abuses against a person. On the contrary, I am referring to what choices we make for ourselves, the various ways we think we could have done it differently/better. Perhaps we could have done it better, but would we have grown as much if we had the cheat sheet? Would we be the persons we are today? Knowing too much of what could happen often impedes our trying. We take fewer risks with knowledge and that is both a good and bad thing. Years of watching Hollywood products and reading pop-fiction based on the good witch spiel has ingrained in me the lesson that every action has a reaction, to change one thing is to change many others and that could be for the good or bad. The mistake we made, the ignorance of this or that, the wrong choice, etc. might have been the best way to learn the lesson we learned. Perhaps it is the ignorance of our younger selves that enabled us to accomplish so much despite the hurdles. We wouldn’t have tried so hard if we’re as knowledgeable (and jaded) as our older selves undoubtedly are. As I do reflection at the end of this year, I have come to appreciate some of the ‘mistakes’ I made and ignorance I had at certain points. I have come to appreciate the outcomes of the experiences I would have warned my younger self about. Some- not all. But enough to know that I would not tell my younger self nothing except- trust the process. I’m telling my present-self the same thing as well. Trust the process.
Making a ‘To-Undo List’ for the #ThrivingThirties
On the 11th of this month, I excitedly entered my third decade of life sharing loads of photos taken by a dear friend Melissa Lucas with the hashtag #ThrivingThirties. As is my tradition, prior to birthdays and New Years’ the days leading up to the birthday were filled with a lot of introspection. The annual exercise of questioning who and where I am now vis a vis who and where I want to be, editing my vision board, re-writing my life purpose statement, etc. usually results in me making an upgraded version of a to-do/to-be list for ‘a fulfilled life’. However, this year I paused mid that exercises and opted for something different. As I looked at the 7-year plan I made at the end of 2012, the goals I had outlined, the lists of ideals… my ideal physique/appearance, my ideal career, my ideal home, my ideal man, etc. I laughed. As per those outlined ambitions, I should have had my Ph.D. by now and published at least two academic papers. As per that list, I should have at least a million (FCFA) in savings which I can ‘forget about for emergencies only’…. and the lists literally go on. But as per that list, achieving those things would make me happy, more fulfilled, successful. I now know that is not true, those things are very valuable but why they matter let alone why I felt they should have been attained/ticked off by a certain age required some examination… Goal-tracking across the years… Ultimately, I decided I won’t be making any edits to the vision board or new to-do/be lists. I have yet to check off the things which I’d outlined at 23 so why bother? Don’t get me wrong, I love that I made those plans. That I wrote them down. Above all, I love that going through my old journal, I can see that I do know what I want and why I want it. I am at the very least, someone who has examined their lives in spirit with Socrates’ famous quote “An unexamined life is not worth living’. It is clear I am on the right path. The timelines I made may have been crazy, but the goals and dreams were things I genuinely contemplated on, things close to heart and things I am still working on. So if there’s nothing wrong with a to-do/be list, why did I shun it this time around? Well, the answer goes back to the Socrates’ quote again. Upon examining my life, I didn’t think more goals to achieve was what I ought to prioritize. This year I am learning that what keeps me from fulfillment is as much what I am yet to unlearn/free myself from as the things I would like to achieve. My to-do/be lists had things like: Learn another language, lose X amount of weight, save this much money, apply to that program, bag that dream job, build that relationship etc. things I’d like to achieve/gain… These are not bad things, but as I am finding out, not necessarily the main things leading to happiness and fulfilment. So I am now a firm believer in the need for To-Undo/Unlearn lists. Rather than make goals for the next decade based on notions of what success means and what I need to be happy and fulfilled, I am contemplating on the things I would like to erase from my mind, the ways of thinking, learned behavior that I have realized keep me from living wholly and completely every day. Author Victoria Dhal tweeted in 2018 “Women are raised from the cradle to be hyperconscious of what we say & wear, how we walk, talk & smile, how we give in or resist or flirt or ignore, who we talk to, where we are…”. The last two years have taught me that my greatest obstacles are things that I have been socialized with. In many ways, I am my own worst enemy because I have been cultured to be. So here is an exercise I am sharing with you: rather than focus on what you feel you ought to achieve to be the ‘ideal you’, consider what you must undo/unlearn to be a better you… Make a ‘To-Undo/Unlearn List for yourself. A bucket list would have experiences we would like to have before dying, a vision board would illustrate ambitions and goals we would like to achieve or our version of a successful life, but a ‘To-Undo List’? That would outline chains we have recognized that restrict us, chains we must break to live our best lives, to live freely and true to ourselves. Here is an excerpt from my own To-Undo list: 30 Things to Unlearn in My Third Decade Unlearn unhealthy coping mechanisms Unlearn fear of failure Unlearn resistance to vulnerability. Unlearn shame over all things sexual Unlearn fear of being unlikeable/not being accepted. Unlearn the habit of postponing living Undo/free yourself from the need to be impressive. Unlearn the idea that you must be ‘good enough’. You are enough, period. Unlearn pre-defined conceptions of everything from art to beauty to knowledge to wealth. Learn to question what you’ve been taught these things are, be open to new conceptualisations of them and define them for yourself. Unlearn the instinct to shrink yourself for fear of being perceived as ‘too much’… whether that means, apologizing prior to airing your concerns or wearing muted colors so you don’t stand out… The to-undo/unlearn list goes on, but based on the above excerpt you can see how unlearning is just as empowering (if not more so) than acquiring. We typically strive for certain things based on our learned desires for them. You may want to be a wife because you’ve been socialized to see it as a status you must attain for social acceptance. You may want to lose weight because of learned ideas of beauty being a particular size and shape. I am not saying these things are bad goals, not at
Look Back A Little More
Motivational messages often say we shouldn’t look back on the journey. That we should forget the past and look forward in hope. They generally assume that thinking of past pains is a negative exercise. They’re not altogether wrong, but I have found that the message is not carved in stone and applicable to all situations. There is amazing strength to be found in looking back on the journey. When we face tough situations, we tend to become engrossed in them. This new problem takes over our thinking, this dilemma is unique, hard, not something we can address. We find that we are breaking, tired, done for– but that has been the case many other times in the past. We just can’t remember. We don’t look back often enough. I have a gratitude journal to practice recording thanks for things that happen through the day, it is a practice I took up to try and find joy in the midst of depression. As I packed out of my place recently, I looked back at the journals for 2016 and 2017. There was a day in 2016 where all I wrote is: Thankful for still breathing. I know it was a rough day if that’s all I could write. But I cannot remember what made it rough. That’s the irony of problems – when we’re in the middle of them, it’s all we can think of. Then when we get through it, we can barely recall it. But we should. We should mark the ways the heartbreak happened, the ways the rejection broke us, the ways we were betrayed, record the depth of the pain – and above, all, record how we grew in faith, how God got us through it. We should be able to look back on past troubles to say God got me through that one, He’ll get me through this too. I’m at crossroads in my life at the moment. For the first time in a long time, I do not know have a fixed plan- just a prayer. I’m struggling to believe that is enough. As I left home this trip unsure of how soon I am returning, it was looking back that helped renew my conviction. As I packed my stuff up, as I visited family, looked through old photos and generally took trips down memory lane, I cried and realized why the present hurt so much. But I also had renewed conviction- I literally found myself saying: “Damn, I’ve been through a lot. This isn’t so bad as that time when….” So here’s a recommendation, in addition to a gratitude journal, perhaps we should have a problem/obstacle journal. You need not write through it every day. But regularly list the things you are struggling within it as evidence of overcoming/ God’s CV of coming through in your life. That would definitely come in handy when you come to the roadblocks on your Christian journey. So here’s your call to look back: Remember the time you got an opportunity by ‘chance’ when you thought there was no way out. Remember the night you went to bed hungry, remember the rejection that you became grateful for 5 years later, remember the disagreement that kept you restless and in pain… remember that day you should have died- be amazed at how many near misses have been just that- misses. Remember the bad times, and perhaps you’ll find (as I did) that this present problem pales in comparison. So this too shall pass, this too is part of His plan. Look back and be hopeful. Because if God has gotten you through half as much as he has gotten me through then He has plans we cannot fathom. All we have to do is muster enough trust in him to not fret as he unfolds his plans. Look back and have hope.
What Lesson Are You Learning Now?
Dear Christian Bro/Sis, Consider this: the Christian’s life is part prep school, part boot camp. We’re being groomed, pruned, molded and made ready for life in God’s kingdom. A popular song in Cameroon goes: Holy, Heaven is Holy (2x) Only the righteous shall enter there, Heaven is Holy I used to think the song meant we need to ‘get’ holy to enter the gates, but I now understand that it is not for us to ‘get’. Heaven is indeed Holy, so throughout our lives, God sets up exercises like a trainer to make us holy to enter there. With our everyday experiences, encounters, and study of the scripture, God transforms us to be adequate enough to pass through the entrance. In sum, we’re forever students in the school of Christlikeness when we commit to this journey. You are signed up for a class right now. Do you know the course title? Can you recognize what God is teaching you? Personally, I came to realize I have been taking a college level course in Surrendering. When I returned home in December of 2018, I was praying for motivation, for a sign, for the strength to hold on to something very dear to me. Something God had given me (so obviously it’s a good thing) and something I firmly believe is crucial to God’s purpose to me. As days became weeks and months, I saw no answer to my response. Or rather, not the direct answers I expected. I became angry. Is it a yes or a no? I’d demand in prayer. I’d like a ‘yes’ of course, but if it’s a ‘no’ be more direct please, give me something else so I can let go of this thing… And that was it, the problem, I wanted to see what I was trading this treasure of mine for before I let it go. I had this image (see here) in my mind which suggests that ‘God has a bigger teddy bear for you so you can let go of yours’ but I wanted to see that teddy bear first. Like, is it a teddy bear, or a toy truck? Is it one in my favorite color? Can I have some guarantee? But as this course has taught me thus far, I was missing the point. We shouldn’t be giving up our treasure only if we can get better. Our surrender must not be conditional. It is demanded. Whether or not there is a new/bigger Teddy Bear behind his back at all, if asked we are to let go of what we’re holding on to. And this is how I learned that I was praying all wrong, I had set out my petition as a multiple choice question with certain answers I expected- call them ‘signs’. If yes, this will happen, if no then you’ll offer me this so I know for sure… As I journeyed home praying I was expecting an answer to that limited scope prayer and the ability to hold on to what I was to be surrendering in faith. In this most recent advanced course, I’ve been taught that the dilemma and lesson it holds is in itself an answer- even if its an answer to the prayer we didn’t pray!???????????? This recent lesson inspired the poem below, I hope you appreciate it and let me know what lesson you are currently learning in your own journey. Who knows, your current ‘course’ may be my next one ???? ********************************************************************************* The Surrendering I thought the journey was for affirming. And came believing I’d have a firmer clasp on emotions too effervescent, on a dream shattered and now unrecognizable. I thought by now I’d know for sure Where home is. Could be. Hoped by now I’d look at you and no longer see mixed signals I’ve found that I’d hoped wrong. The aim of this journey is never what I thought it was You did not take me on this journey to hold me, But to break me more. To do it gently in a familiar place, to do it slowly so I am not jarred When I asked you to take my hands and lead me at the start of this journey You did take my hand, but to unclasp my fist, so I let go of the little I’d managed to hold on to To bare my palm, for both of us to see the bruises on that soft flesh from years of struggling to hold what was and is only temporary. This journey has always been about my surrendering Now I know, it should be easier. Understanding ought to make things easier Yet that adage does not apply in this case. Knowing only makes me apprehensive of what is yet to come. Now that I am surrendering, I know there’s more breaking to be done.
29 Lessons I’ve Learned at 29: A Collection of Personal Epigrams Thus Far…
Earlier this month, I celebrated my 29th birthday. I have dubbed this year: My year of testimonies signifying my commitment to share more (particularly of lessons learned and vulnerabilities) by way of personal healing, self-evaluation ahead of the big 3.0 and in hope of encouraging someone else as I have often sought to be encouraged this past year. I began this testimony-themed year by sharing my ‘salvation story’ or the account of how and why I committed to the Christian faith. You can read this HERE. My contemplation on how far I’ve come this year and all there is to share led me to review my journals. I found an entry which reminded me that in 2012 as I completed undergrad, I had made an ambitious seven-year plan for fulfillment by the age of thirty. As per this plan, my 29th year was to be “My Year of Preparation”; it was to be the year I became fully ‘adult’. Underneath 29 I had put bullet points listing the goals for the year or what being ‘fully adult’ meant for me at that time. According to that list, as a twenty-nine-year-old I: – Should have a healthier lifestyle- a healthy weight, diet, skin care routine etc. – Should be getting to solvency, with savings, property, and finally acting on that business idea… -Should be enrolled in a postgraduate program and establishing myself as a writer and educationalist. – Should be setting up a family and preparing myself to be all I needed myself as a child. – Should have complete training at church to be a liturgist occasionally and be an active member of a Christian fellowship -Should have plans for establishing a youth center like the YMCA in the works WELL! Let’s just say I had some ambition way back then eh? I will not be holding myself up to this list, rather I shall think of it with appreciation as it shows that even back then, I knew I had to PREPARE and work on myself to achieve the fulfillment I desired and still desire. I am proud of the younger Monique for having figured that out. There’s a lot more I’ve figured out in these 29 odd years and I’ve coined life quotes from lessons learned which I share in this piece. Consider these 29 original sayings as epigrams to remember me by. Notes on Living, Loving and Being … The worst thing about life isn’t the catastrophes, the losses, the pain or disappointments it brings to us all. The worst thing, in my opinion, is that life goes on. It does not stop for us to collect our bearings, regain our rhythm, restore our hope or reclaim our faith. One may lose their entire family, another may lose their only source of joy, yet another the hope which kept them sane; but still life goes on, others live as though the world had not ended had not ended for one. You can believe all you want. Unlike Hollywood PG 13 movies, wishes don’t come true by believing alone. Believe in good, believe that justice will come someday, and right will conquer wrong. But bear in mind that this may happen on the day after you are buried in your grave. And it doesn’t make it too late for there was never a set date. One of the ironies of life, I have found, is how we are encouraged to dream grandly as children only to be urged to settle soon as adults- and our souls expand and contract with each compromise and negotiation, weathering away. The thing about tomorrow? It never has enough hours or the capacity to fulfill all we wish it would, so we always need another one. I have found that many people don’t notice my hearing impairment in the course or a conversation. To them, my rapt attention is response enough. And I can talk to at length with one whose name I do not know, one whom I have only just met. Because sometimes we do not need words. Everyone smiles in the same language, everyone understands the tilt of a head, can comprehend eyes welling up with tears and a hand outstretched…or withheld.
Checkpoints on the Christian Journey
Recently I decided to re-read Rick Warren’s A Purpose Driven Life. This book had a great impact on my discovering my purpose for life, developing a willingness to live a ‘good’ life and commitment to the Christian journey. I always recommend it to those I’m mentoring because I feel Pastor Warren writes clearly, directly and asks poignant questions which anyone can relate to. I’ve read it three times now, taking each of the 40 days as though it were the first time. As I go through it again in these days leading up to my birthday, I can see what struck me the first time I read it is not what stands out for me now. What I highlighted the first two times are interesting and undoubtedly worth noting. Yet, I see not that what was important to me then is no longer the lesson I need to learn. At the end of each day’s reading, I consider the ‘Question to Ponder On’ and not how my responses to the questions are vastly different in this third round. This spoke to me, so I decided to write about noticing growth over the Christian journey. We often feel like we’re stagnant in our faith, at least I do. In some ways, I’m fine with it my level of faith, but in other ways, I notice that others are more certain, more trusting, more convicted and seemingly hear God’s voice in the way I never have. If you have felt like I have, then this message is for you. Note your growth in the little things, this is a journey but not a race. You’re not competing with anyone. You’re being grown; lovingly and perhaps slowly, but you are growing. As I re-read this book, I have noted particular evidence of growth often overlooked- Change in Motives. The phrase ‘God looks at the heart’ is often repeated in Christian space. Yet its often uttered in a way that suggests God looks who you are inside as opposed to physical traits or refers to God looking at one’s reasons for doing something like charity. All these are correct. But recently, I became conscious of how the reasons for my praying for something matters and determines the maturity of the Christian’s request. For instance, when a lot of us pray for prosperity what drives our desire for it? It’s not a bad thing but unless we are asking for it with a motive that gives glory to God then our motives are selfish.Another example on considering motives; On several occasions I have left a church service sad and unimpressed, saying that I felt nothing, likely heard little because of my hearing impairment and so got little out of it. This has often been an excuse for me to stay home and not go to church, I might as well try to get a connection in my own room I’d say. This shows my primary motive for going to church was not to worship God – as should be. My primary motive was myself, going to refill myself with the ‘feeling’ I’d hoped for. And while that is not a bad thing, it shouldn’t have been the primary thing.I’m appreciating this ‘checkpoint’. It forces me to check why I want something so bad, defend my desires and let me tell you, my prayer often sound like a court brief prepared by a lawyer. It is an amazing feeling to know how you may have the same desires but the reasons you want them now are different… In what ways have you noted your growth? What checkpoints have you come along in your Christian journey?I’d love to hear from you!
Ask Yourself: What am I supposed to Be Learning Now?
The past few weeks have been a struggle with regards to my faith. I’m not where I want to be, there’s no guarantee of me getting where I want to be. It’s something God either blesses me with or not. I can’t earn it. Can’t ‘deserve’ it. Can only pray and hope I’m granted this particular desire. And as this runs around in my mind, the fact that this thing I desire so much is not guaranteed no matter what I do, I feel desolate in waiting. In this state, I didn’t – still don’t- feel like writing an ‘About My Faith’ entry for this month but have to continue for the sake of commitment. So as I considered what I was going to write on I thought of a statement a friend had made when we discussed my not-so-patient wait for the desires I can’t ‘work’ for. She said “try to determine what God wants you to learn in this period. Don’t let your mind be clouded by your frustration over waiting. Learn in the wait.” Now, this is one of those lessons you know to be true facts BUT not something you want to hear at a time when you’re fine being pitiful and bemoaning your fate. Nevertheless, the statement had stayed with me and came to me as I considered the About My Faith post for this month. Particularly because it reminded me of a blog post I published on the Anglophone Crisis in Cameroon in February of 2017 entitled “What’s Happening in Cameroon? Learning I Hope”. Like Cameroon, in going through a crisis, I hope we are all learning. It is hoped that we take away something. It is my prayer that the struggle, the wait, and stress eventually make sense. For now, I’m engaging myself in asking what I have learned in the last year that I hadn’t known before. I ask myself, in what ways have I GROWN in this wait. I have found that it’s a way to cheer myself up; a way to feel better about the situation I can’t help and trust that God does indeed know what he’s doing. So join me this month as I make a list of lessons I am learning. Note, you must not have learned the lessons in all yet. It’s enough to recognize that it’s something you have been taught and are in the process of learning. Appreciate the little growth. May Grace continue to carry us on the journey.